Big Orange Couch

I apparently still exist.

2009-09-17T14:04:00.004-04:00

Hi again everyone who may actually stumble across this. I realize that I basically failed at life for 2009. I really wasn't in any mental state to write anything close to funny or entertaining. If I had known my life was going to be so turned upside-down a few months after I began this blog project, I probably would've thought twice about even beginning it... I hate to start something and fail to follow through. And it seemed like everytime I felt like maybe I could get started with semi-regular updates again, I'd have another bout of sadness and be set back a few steps. It was rough for awhile.

I'm getting more on track as the months go by. Or I'm at least so busy that I don't have time to sit and feel empty and sad. I want to write again, I really do, and now I'm finally feeling like maybe I could have it in me to get updates out. But of course, now that I'm starting to feel that way I'm also insanely busy and have no free time. I just started an MFA program in playwriting. I moved last month, and I started classes right after Labor Day. I had to buy a complete new bedroom set and desk right after the move plus make all my previous stuff fit into a tiny space. And I'm still keeping my full-time job as a copyeditor. Because I'm insane. I have to fit 35 hours per week of work into my schedule of two writing workshops that involve constant drafting and revising, plus I need to put in 50 hours of work each semester at the theater my program is part of. So things are kind of crazy right now. I'm tired all the time. The only good thing is that I work from home, so even if I start work at 7:30 in the morning, I can wake up around 7:00, feed my cats, and make some coffee before turning the computer on.

Anyway, so the point of all this is that while I'm here and in better emotional shape than the last few times I attempted this, I am so pressed for time right now that I can't promise updates in any regular pattern. I miss writing this blog--it was fun watching and recapping shows, some of which I hadn't seen in years. I still want to do it, and I will whenever time allows me to. My program will be over by the end of next summer, and I'll have all the time in the world after that. If anyone out there wants to keep in touch, feel free to check me out on my livejournal at http://februarystar27.livejournal.com/ ...although I really must warn you that I write in really tiny font over there because of some weird social anxiety-related issue that if I write really tiny then less people read it and laugh at me. :) I took a good six-month hiatus from that journal too during my complete mess of an existence of the past nine months or so, but I've started to at least try to write there again. There's way less effort involved in that than there is in trying to do recaps that I feel should have some level of entertainment value to others. :P

So, once again, thank you to anyone who's been checking out for updates even though I haven't been able to do any. When I get some free time on a weekend here and there I will definitely post a real update again. I haven't forgotten this place at all... I just probably started this blog at one of the worst times in my life to take on something like this. :P

Sorry, everyone!

2009-03-25T21:07:00.003-04:00

A new comment on my last post finally prodded me into coming back here. I'm really sorry everyone. I meant to come back after Thanksgiving with a new post, but my whole world just took a sharp downturn right around then and I've had a really rough couple of months. I didn't feel up to writing much of anything. But I do want to come back. Hopefully soon. I'm sorry.

"I gotta go now, my ride's finally here": Are You Afraid of the Dark, 1.12 - The Tale of the Prom Queen

2008-11-16T22:18:00.001-05:00

I was thinking about doing another Hey Dude recap since I've only had one so far, but my Hey Dude dvds have really messed-up volume, so I'm going with an Are You Afraid of the Dark episode. I wasn't planning on doing many recaps of this show since another blog already exists for it, but I'll throw a few in here and there for variety.

Memories:

The thing that sticks out to me from the show in general is that creepy-ass clown doll (or whatever it was) in the opening credits. That thing was freakier than most of the things that appeared in the actual episodes. The episode that scared me the most was that one where the girl and her older brother sneak up to the apartment on the top floor of their building, where these aliens in disguise invite them to play games that are really tests of how the girl would adapt to conditions on their planet, and at the end it's revealed that she is the aliens' daughter and they bring her home. The aliens' faces had no eyes or nose or mouth, and that really freaked me out. And at one point, the mother alien talks to the girl by appearing on her TV set at night when the TV wasn't turned on. That scared me so much that for awhile I unplugged my TV before bed every night. I'm such a loser.

Anyway, from this episode in particular, I remember the creepy old car playing "In the Still of the Night" as it drives off into the distance at the end and disappears as it drives through the graveyard gates. To this day, that song always sounds creepy to me. It's the backing vocals.

Recap:

I usually list the main characters in my first recap of a particular show, but there's no real major characters to this show because each episode has a different cast. I tried making a list of the Midnight Society members, but it's hard to describe them without visuals since lots of them have no real distinguishing characteristics. But anyway, this show revolved around a group of teens who called themselves the Midnight Society and met in the woods once a week at night to tell each other scary stories. I refer you once again to the Are You Afraid of the Dark blog where you can find screencaps for details because I am not skilled enough to put any together myself.

A ghostly figure in a white dress with a veil over her face glides toward the campfire, where the members of the Midnight Society are sitting around bored, complaining that scheduled storyteller Kristen (the blond girl) is late. They notice the approaching ghostly figure and freak out, but surprise! It's only Kristen, played by a young Rachel Blanchard. Kristen is literally the polaroid of perfection. She could be a part-time model (but she'd probably still have to work her normal job). Apparently being scary involves talking in a weird accent, because Kristen launches into her story in a vaguely foreign "fortune teller" accent. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, she calls this story "The Tale of the Prom Queen." It's business time.

We're in a graveyard, because this show is full of originality, where a girl in mom jeans is leaving flowers at a grave. She hears mysterious laughter as she's walking away, but she ignores it. Something jumps out in front of her face! --But don't worry, it's just birds. She should know that nothing scary really happens until right before the commercial break. Someone else jumps out at her, and she screams, but it's only two random guys whose idea of fun is apparently hanging out in a graveyard. The guys introduce themselves as Greg and Jam, and judging by their names, Greg is obviously the "nice guy" and Jam is the asshole who thinks he's cool but is really pretty lame. He has feathery hair. Super cool. Jam tells Dede (the girl) that Saturday is prom night--the night of the prom queen. Dede turns to look at him in recognition of those words but then plays it off like she's never heard about this legend. Could that be significant?

They tell her the story of a girl a long time ago who for some reason was waiting for her prom date outside the cemetery (did emo kids exist back in the 50s?), but it was a foggy night, and a car struck her in a fatal hit-and-run. They found her and buried her a few days later in her prom dress. Because that isn't weird at all. Every year on prom night, it is believed that the ghost of the prom queen returns to this spot, waiting for the ride that never comes. Greg and Jam have been looking for a grave that might be hers, and Dede thinks it sounds kind of cool and offers to help. Jam just said "let's go ghost hunting, boys and ghouls." No wonder he has nothing better to do with his life than hang out in a graveyard.

Greg points out that they should probably make sure that there really was a car accident, otherwise they could be searching for nothing. So they head off to the local library to scan old newspapers on microfilm. yay! I always thought searching old newspapers on microfilm was so cool. I'm such a loser. But not as big a loser as Jam. They find the article they're looking for in 1956. Judy Larson had been waiting for her boyfriend Ricky to pick her up, but Ricky never got the message. Ricky also accidentally drove his 1955 Chevy off a bridge, so there were two tragic deaths that night. God, it sounds like one of those smarmy 1950s doo-wop teenybopper love songs. "Oh where oh where can my baby be" and such. Oh, weird! Someone apparently created a video of that song I just quoted using clips from this episode. We think alike. Dede seems really concerned by news of Ricky's death... could that be a clue? During all of this, the doorknob to their room starts to open slowly. Oh no! Could it be the librarian out to get them? It is! And even worse, she's bringing tea! Frightening.

Dede comes up with the idea to help Judy by trying to contact Ricky and telling him to pick her up. Dede uses the word "keen," which confuses Greg, and I wish the writers would stop beating me over the head with their clever little clues. They meet that night and travel to the bridge where Ricky's car went over, and they rent a boat (after dark?) to head out to just under the bridge to hold a seance. Dede leads the seance, and creepy things start to happen. They start to hear a bubbling noise in the water, which Jam is afraid is being caused by a rusty Chevy. Dede tells Ricky's spirit to pick up Judy by the cemetery, and the bubbling noises get louder. The three get freaked out and row away as quickly as possible.

The next day, prom night, the kids find the grave of Judy Larson at the graveyard. They wait in a spot where they can see both the grave and the gate at the same time. Greg is whining about getting cold. But then they hear windchimes, which obviously means it's a ghost because ghosts carry windchimes. Ha... and then a ghostly figure carrying windchimes appears. I had meant my windchimes comment to be snarky, but then it actually happened. Greg cautiously approaches the ghostly figure... but it is only Jam's cousin who was set up to scare Greg and Dede. Jam is enjoying this and thought Greg was going to "have a cow." Jam is totally awesome.

Greg and Jam are fighting when Dede notices a shadowy old car coming out through the fog. It is, of course, a '55 Chevy creepily playing "In The Still of the Night" on its radio. Dede is letting her hair down and freakishly singing along with "In the Still of the Night." Greg is all "wtf???" as Dede spins around and is suddenly wearing an elegant ball gown. Shocker! She is really Judy Larson! I never saw it coming. Turns out Dede's her nickname--her real name is Judy (is Dede ever a normal nickname for Judy?). She gets into the car with ghost-Ricky and they head off through the cemetery gates as the car slowly disappears.

Random Thoughts:

-Wikipedia tells me that this show was released on dvd. Is this true? It wasn't part of the Nick Rewind collection, which makes sense given that it wasn't a Nick original. Was it released only in Canada or something? Any Canadian readers out there know anything about this?

-Ricky's Chevy is pink. Umm... creepy?

-So, if Dede didn't know that Ricky was dead, was she leaving flowers at her own grave in the first scene? That's really sad and pathetic.

-My dvd kept skipping near the end. It got really annoying. All the more reason to track down this supposed official release dvd.

"TV or not TV--that is the question": Clarissa Explains It All, 1.03 - No TV

2008-11-10T20:01:00.003-05:00

I'm trying really hard to get back to somewhat regular posting with this blog. That being said, I also decided at the last minute to take part in "NaPlWriMo" or National Playwriting Month. It's the playwriting version of NaNoWriMo, where the goal is to write a 75-page play in one month. I think I mentioned it in this blog before, but I'll be starting up an MFA in playwriting next fall (unless I can't make the financials work out, which would be sad). I've had ten days of writing so far, and I am at the top of page 32. Not too bad. But I'm also trying to be rededicated to this blog, so I'll do my best to juggle both this month.

Memories:

The thing I remember most about this episode was when Clarissa and Ferguson are arguing over the TV, and their remotes turn into lightsaber-like swords and they start fighting with them, and then Janet walks in and says in a Darth Vader-ish voice "That's it. No more TV." I loved that scene.

Recap:

Clarissa is spying on her family from outside. She reports that Janet has declared no TV for a week to build some family togetherness. She says that she believes it was Karl Marx who said that religion is the opiate of the people and wonders what he would've thought of TV--perhaps it's the potato chips of the people? And, as Clarissa notes, potatoes do have some nutritional value.

The Darlings are sitting in the quiet living room. Marshall is working on a project for his job, Janet is creating a home library card-catalog system, and Ferguson is pretending to read while playing a hand-held video game inside the book. Clarissa, because she is awesome, is staring at the blank TV screen in protest, because it's a "great way to make parents suffer." The family tries to think of something to talk about and sits in silence for a few seconds. Marshall finally remembers a funny story to tell--he was walking by a clothing store and the sweater in the window looked so familiar, and he finally realized that it was one Bill Cosby had worn on The Cosby Show. Soon, Clarissa, Ferguson, and Marshall are laughing over memories of the Cosby episode. Janet disapproves.

Clarissa tells us the story how the family got into this sorry state. A Star Wars-like graphic that reads "Control Wars" flies across a starry background as Clarissa tells us of two warring tribes fighting over control of the TV. She and Ferguson were fighting over the remote, until one day Clarissa sent away for this super-remote that lets her change channels from 30 miles away. Then, all-out war breaks out, and Clarissa and Ferguson lightsaber-battle with their remotes until Darth Vader Janet enters and announces "That's it. No more TV."

Ferguson sucks up to his mother and says he couldn't agree with her decision more. He tries to make it sound like he's spending his time reading educational astronomy books, but as Clarissa points out, it is a book of the complete scripts of Star Trek. The phone rings, and it's Clarissa's friend Jody! Continuity! Jody asks her what she's watching, and she doesn't understand what Clarissa is saying when Clarissa says she's not watching anything. Clarissa tells her mother that without TV she will fall behind the cultural level of her peers and asks where else she can experience the "vast wasteland that we call the 20th century." And she misses Johnny Depp.

Clarissa is up in her room, staring at an empty space where an animated TV is drawn in. She had to turn in her bedroom TV to her mother. Sam enters through the window. He invites Clarissa over, but unfortunately, Janet has decreed that they must be a family together, while Clarissa just wants to be "a family apart, like normal people." She asks Sam to watch this weekend's episode of The Simpsons for her and to tell her what happens to DJ on Full House. And now I miss my childhood.

The next day in Clarissa's room, Sam comes over with a TV scanner for Clarissa, who also has a gigantic roll of wire in her room in an attempt to get a TV signal on her computer. She plans to use her Captain Video's Home Broadcasting and Reception software, and along with a satellite dish on the roof, she should be able to receive signals from around the world by using Sam's "scanning digitzer" to digitze the signals and create the image on her computer. I am loving the 90s pre-internet-ness of this episode. Janet comes up to tell Clarissa that lunch is ready and makes no comment about the giant roll of wire in her bedroom.

In the kitchen, Clarissa tells her mother she's thinking of joining a radical feminist folk-singing group. Ha. Or a fanatic religious cult where you have to shave your head, paint it red, and worship lima beans. Janet is clearly not listening and just says "that's nice dear" to everything, until Clarissa tries to slip in the prospect of maybe just watching some TV, and Janet tells her to forget it. Clarissa gives us a Special Report on "A World Without TV: One Family's Story." Marshall is running around the house fixing things that weren't broken. Janet is making weird health food combinations that would make Dawn Schafer happy such as "alfalfa parfait" and is also getting kind of cranky. Ferguson has passed out at the table and has made the shape of a whale with his drool. Classy. Marshall gets a phone call about a Lakers/Knicks game that's tied in the fourth quarter and runs to the TV. The kids and Janet follow. Janet asks if they're forgetting something, and Ferguson says yes, they forgot halftime snacks. But if the game's in the fourth quarter then halftime is already passed. Good job, writers. Janet's pissed that Marshall would consider breaking her no TV rule. And Marshall is obviously not happy with missing the game.

Whoa. Sam just entered through the front door. Crazy. Sam and the Darlings sit in awkward silence for a few seconds while Janet tries to make small talk with him. Clarissa begs for the return of the TV because it's been a whole entire day. They start up a game of charades, which Clarissa uses as a ruse to set up a signal booster to the downstairs cable for her computer before acting out the charade for "TV repairman." I didn't even realize the TV was broken--I thought it was just voluntarily turned off. Janet's angry that they can't think of anything but TV.

Clarissa and Sam are up in Clarissa's room talking about how weird Janet's being. She likes TV too and grew up with it, "when Laugh-In wasn't in reruns" as Clarissa points out. Clarissa thinks something weird is going on--today she caught Janet spraying aerosol air freshener in the kitchen, when she's usually a total environmentalist. They hook up Clarissa's computer TV, but all they can get is a Russian Home Shopping channel selling potatoes. Sam thinks that's kind of cool, but a loud electric spark kills the power. Clarissa thinks the cable booster must have overloaded. Downstairs, Marshall had apparently tried to turn on the TV when it exploded. Janet comes in to see what the noise was, and she's smoking a cigarette, which she hasn't done in forever. Marshall and Clarissa think that's very weird. She says she needed to calm her nerves because the family was driving her crazy. Can they show smoking on Nick now, even if it's an adult and everyone else comments on how gross it is? Marshall notices Clarissa's cable booster, and Clarissa confesses her computer scheme and offers them a deal on Ukrainian potatoes. Ferguson comes downstairs, looking like he's been through an explosion and screaming about how he won Mega Man 12, even though I don't think that game existed in 1991 or if the series ever even got up to 12. He stops his celebration short when he notices Janet smoking, which he also thinks is very weird.

Clarissa is outside, telling us that now the TV, computer, and Ferguson's "Game Pack" are all in for repairs, so now it's no TV for real (see? It wasn't broken last time... so why did Clarissa act out "TV repairman"?). Janet has thrown away her secret stash of cigarettes. Clarissa thinks it's gross that her mother used to smoke in high school and thinks that sometimes what you don't know about your parents you really don't want to know. She goes back in the living room where Sam and the Darlings are playing another round of charades, more spiritedly this time. Clarissa tells us that she thinks it was famous mime Marcel Marceau who said, "The family that plays charades together, stays together."

Random Thoughts:

-Ha. Clarissa calls Ferguson "pimple-head."

-Sam says he and his dad watch the generically named "sports network" all the time now.

-Sam's really into surfing in this episode because he and his dad got into it. He wears tie-dye and neon "surfer" clothes through the entire episode. The sad thing is that they probably didn't look too outrageous in 1991.

"Trick-or-treat, gutbucket!": The Adventures of Pete and Pete, 2.07 - Halloweenie

2008-10-30T19:12:00.012-04:00

First off, thanks to everyone who's actually reading this, because it's been forever and I feel terrible about that. And secondly, I'm sorry for starting up again on yet another Pete and Pete episode, but it is one of the few Halloween specials I can find. I had really wanted to recap the Marc Summers Halloween special, but I searched everywhere and couldn't find it. For a nice little summary of it though, including some screenshots and a few clips, you can look here. And now onto the first recap in months!

Memories:

I love this episode of Pete and Pete. Like Yellow Fever, it's one of my favorites of the series. I love when they take something mundane and make it seem meaningful and important. And I love Big Pete's introverted take on everyday life. This episode focuses on the internal conflict of smashing a pumpkin, and I related to that a lot because it always made me so sad to see a crushed rotting pumpkin on the ground... it was like smashed innocence on the sidewalk to me. So Big Pete's little moral dilemma resonated with me because I too was a quiet kid who tended to overthink just about everything.

Recap:

Big Pete reflects on losing his Halloween spirit, which Little Pete is pretty pissed off about. He has big dreams of breaking the Wellsville trick-or-treating record by going to the most houses in one night. Little Pete and Nona hear from the local crossing guard that a gang called the Pumpkin Eaters will be out in full force on Halloween night, ready to smash pumpkins and steal candy from kids who haven't gotten old and jaded yet. The crossing guard says that if they don't stop the Pumpkin Eaters this year, this will be Wellsville's last Halloween.

Big Pete tells Ellen that he's sick of Halloween and happy that this year might be the last one ever. They walk into an alley of smashed pumpkins, including one that somehow managed to survive. Pete used to hate the site of a smashed pumpkin, but his growing jadedness is causing him to finally understand the sentiment behind it. The background becomes all blackscreened and Ellen whispers to him to smash it because he knows he wants to and no one's looking. Pete does, and instantly feels guilty. A Pumpkin Eater, who is bully Endless Mike with a jack-o-lantern on his head as a mask, has been watching this entire scene. Endless Mike is endlessly awesome. "Pete Wrigley! You have tasted the dark side!" heehee. And then his sidekick goon adds, "And it tastes like chicken!" A second goon asks if anyone else's pumpkin smells like tangerines, and a third agrees with him and admits to licking his once. Well, then.

Pete and Nona get attacked by the Pumpkin Eaters on the night before Halloween--shaving cream, toilet paper, the whole deal. Big Pete feels like he's somehow to blame because of the bad karma over the pumpkin he smashed. Nona's "Pop" (ha! I love how that reference totally went over my head as a kid) won't allow her to go trick-or-treating anymore, so Little Pete's dreams of breaking the record seem to be shot. (Edit: Nona's dad is played by Iggy Pop.) Big Pete feels guilty and offers to go trick-or-treating with him, even though he must be, like, 16? That is crazy.

Ellen agrees with me. She reminds Pete of Ned Richmond, a kid in their class last year who got caught trick-or-treating at age 15 and wound up tied to a tree by the Pumpkin Eaters with "WEENIE" written across his costume. The fact that he went dressed as a sailor probably didn't help his cause much. Now nobody will go near him, not even in the yearbook, where he is on a page by himself, his photo hanging upside down like he was in the tree, under the caption "Weenie."

The Petes dress up as astronauts, complete with masks covering their faces and technology that allows them to pee in their spacesuits. And walkie-talkies, which I used to think was so cool. Little Pete pees in his suit and proclaims, "ahh, science." Disgusting. They trick-or-treat all over town, and Big Pete starts to feel his Halloween spirit returning.

But the Pumpkin Eaters are out in full force, trashing the neighborhood and scaring little kids. The Petes zig-zag across their neighborhood trying to avoid them. But they wind up at the house of Ned Richmond, the pathetic kid who was caught last year. He answers the door in full costume and recognizes Pete, saying "Maybe we can go together next year Wriggles." I always loved when he called him Wriggles. Big Pete is shaken and wants to give up, which pisses Little Pete off. Little Pete vows to beat the record himself as Big Pete runs home, but the Pumpkin Eaters ambush him and chase him down the street.

Big Pete ducks into a closed haunted house, hoping to lose the Pumpkin Eaters, and scoffs at the lame-ness of all the decorations. Little Pete hears him on the walkie-talkies and calls him a traitor. Endless Mike jumps out at Big Pete and proclaims "tag--you're dead!" and the rest of his gang pops out of the shadows. Endless Mike calls Pete the "biggest Halloweenie of them all" while Little Pete reaches the last house and turns on his walkie-talkie to rub it in Pete's face. He overhears Pete pleading "What do you want from me?" and Endless Mike responding "Nothing... except your soul!" followed by maniacal laughter and knows his brother is in trouble.

The gang wants to tie Pete from the goalpost, or perhaps to the roof of their car and drive him around town all night. That is kind of awesome. But Endless Mike has something special planned for Pete. Pete asks what they're going to do to him, and I'm getting a very "Luke Skywalker vs. the Emperor" vibe from this scene (only that vibe is coming from the original version of the film, not that crappy digitally enhanced version). Endless Mike says that he saw Pete smash the pumpkin yesterday, and now he's here hating Halloween even more. "Just like you?" Pete replies. Yeah, totally a Star Wars vibe. Endless Mike tells Pete to smash the pumpkin he has in his hand and that together they can take down Halloween forever. Pete asks, "And if I don't?" and Endless Mike says, "Two words. Ned. Richmond."

Big Pete is all inner-conflict-y and feels the power he has to destroy Halloween coursing through him, but his inner child wins out and he instead smashes Endless Mike's mask open to reveal his identity. Somehow Pete is shocked to discover that it was Endless Mike, as if it wasn't obvious the entire time. Even Endless Mike thinks that is ridiculous, as he says, "What'd you expect, Mr. Tastee?" He instructs the gang to "fry the weenie," but it is Little Pete to the rescue! He gave up his visit to the last house and, with the help of the crossing guard, came to save Big Pete. Which I never understood. It would've taken two seconds to ring that last house's doorbell first. But whatever.

The next morning, the Pumpkin Eaters are charged with cleaning up the neighborhood they destroyed. Endless Mike is scrubbing Nona's father's front porch, and in quite possibly the most awesome reference ever, Nona's dad comes out, hands him a Q-tip, and says, "You missed a spot. Stooge." Again, totally went over my head as a kid, but great. The Petes didn't break the record, but they managed to save Halloween for years to come and know that they will never again lose their Halloween spirit.

Random Thoughts:

-The crossing guard refers to the night before Halloween as "devil's night." But on Are You Afraid of the Dark they called it "mischief night." I had never heard of either of these before seeing these shows. Which one is more common?

-Big Pete says that his brother is taking the news that this Halloween may be the last "like someone punched his soul." hee.

-The black-and-white "old footage" of the famous kids who broke the record years ago dressed as ghosts is sooo creepy looking. There's something unsettling about it.

-Little Pete tells one of the people at the house they're trick-or-treating at, "You know the routine. Hustle." That was awesome. I wish I'd been brave enough to say things like that as a kid.

-Another awesome Little Pete comment, from after Big Pete has ditched him: "Hey Blowhole... in 45 minutes, I'm going to famous. And you know what you're going to be? ...a blowhole!"

-Polaris' "Waiting for October" runs over the closing credits, and I love that song.

-In my search for the Marc Summers special, I managed to come across this old Nick Halloween-related bumper, which I totally remember, and this ad about a kid who won Nick-or-Treat and got, among other things, his weight in M&Ms. Such a cool prize. I wonder where that kid is today.

Apologies... new post is on the way!

2008-10-30T19:06:00.002-04:00

This is me sitting down to write a new blog entry! yay! I'm sorry it's been since Labor Day that I had a real entry up. I have like 300 pages of reading every week for the class I'm in. I haven't even been able read all the blogs I'm linked to that I love reading. I seriously feel like I've dropped off the face of the earth since September. So I apologize for that. My problem is that I had a really nice schedule down before I moved in August, where I'd watch my episode on Friday and get the writing done over the weekend. But that was thrown completely upside down when I moved because lots of my weekends were spent bouncing back to my family's house where it is impossible to get anything done. And then Mondays and Tuesdays are completely devoted to reading for class, which sucks up Wednesday night, and I usually feel drained after that. I need to figure out a new schedule and stick to it. But anyway, I am sitting down to watch the only Halloween-related episode I could find, and the update will be up whenever I'm done writing about it.

epic fail.

2008-09-29T22:23:00.004-04:00

Well, I officially fail at being a blogger. I haven't been able to update in forever because the English class I signed up for is way more of a timesuck than I'd expected. And I'm applying for a fellowship and the application is due at the end of this week, so I've been a little panicky lately about getting everything submitted on time. But still, no excuse for not writing. I'm thinking about altering the blog setup somewhat when I'm finally able to relax and get my next entry up. I might have to do short summaries but add more "Random Thoughts" bullets at the end, because as it is now my summaries are way too long and take hours to finish. And if the recaps take me less time to write, it will be easier to find time to get them done in between my class and everything else. So, slightly new format coming soon ("soon" being sometime after this Friday when I can finally put this mess of a fellowship application behind me). I feel bad that this blog has taken on somewhat of a "life of a soon-to-be grad student" subplot lately. I hope to be back onto the fun topic of Nickelodeon nostalgia very soon, because it's a much more enjoyable topic to focus on.

"You look like a bona fide Sludgesicle man": The Adventures of Pete and Pete, Special #4 - What We Did on Our Summer Vacation

2008-09-08T12:06:00.009-04:00

Memories:
I remember that this aired as a special shortly before the show became a full-length series. It came after the shorts had been around for awhile but before season 1 was announced. I feel like Nickelodeon must have promoted the hell out of it, because certain clips, like Little Pete's friend screaming "TASTEEEEEEE!" in the middle of the street, really stick out in my mind.

Recap:
Major Characters:
"Big" Pete Wrigley - The older Pete; more thoughtful and introverted than his brother
"Little" Pete Wrigley - The younger Pete; the more outspoken of the Petes
Don Wrigley - The Petes' dad
Joyce Wrigley - The Petes' mom; has an oft-mentioned metal plate in her head
Ellen Hinkle - Best friend of Big Pete; "a girl and a friend, but [most of the time] not a girlfriend"
Nona F. Mecklenburg - Little Pete's best friend beginning in season 2; a young Michelle Trachtenberg
Artie, The Strongest Man in the World - Little Pete's "personal superhero"

How do you know that summer is really and truly over?

Big Pete (whose voice hasn't fully changed in this early episode, aww) asks this question to open the episode. His dad goes by the calendar date, while Ellen knows summer is over when you start thinking about school supplies. Or, if you're me, when you go to to buy books for the graduate English course you're taking and you're poor because your fiance is living off a graduate stipend so you can only afford to buy books for the first two weeks of class for now, and the bookstore is conveniently missing the book for this Wednesday's class, so you have to overnight it on Amazon, which makes the shipping costs only $2.00 less than the book itself. Yeah. That's when summer is really and truly over. But I digress.

Here's some opening credits goodness for everyone. I love this theme.

Big Pete tells us about some surefire signs of summer, like Little Pete and his friend racing downhill on big blocks of ice, the lawn border dispute between Pete's dad and their neighbor, and, of course, the arrival of Mr. Tastee, the neighborhood ice cream man with a big plastic head that looks like a vanilla soft serve swirl. No one knows his true identity behind the mask. Some kids think he's a mental hospital escapee. A really young Heather Matarazzo tells that chubby kid from The Mighty Ducks that she thinks Mr. Tastee is "that guy who used to be married to Cher." Ms. Vanderveer, this creepy blind lady on their block, calls him Leonard, and walks around saying, "You never understood me, Leonard. You never really understood me." I love her.

Ellen is working for the summer at her uncle's Qwik Pik photo-developing booth. How old is she here? Maybe 14? She's too young to work. It's kind of like how Logan in the Baby-Sitters Club was working at the Rosebud Cafe as a busboy at 13. One day, Ellen stumbles across photos marked "Tastee." She knows it's against the rules to open them up and look at the pictures, but, as Little Pete says, "rules bite," so they take a look at them. The photos show Mr. Tastee traveling the world and posing by famous landmarks, only he never takes off his ice cream head. They think he looks lonely in the pictures and wonder why he doesn't have any friends (but if he didn't have friends, then who's taking the pictures, hmmmm?).

They decide to try to make friends with the ice cream man, but he gently tries to discourage their attempts. Ellen, in an attempt to make conversation, asks Mr. Tastee if he has a girlfriend. He replies that he has 39 of them, and then proceeds to point out all his ice cream bars on the front of the truck. Maybe he has some kind of weird ice cream fetish? I wonder what he does with the Lemon Licky Nubs and Strawberry Blowtorch after dark. One day, the kids invite him to go fishing, and when he politely declines, Ellen gets right to the point and asks him straight up if he has any friends. How about some information pleeeeeeease? He tells them that he's just their ice cream man, and they're just his customers, and that's the way it has to be. He offers them popsicles and says "goodbye kiddos" all foreshadowingly-like.

Mr. Tastee doesn't return the next day, or any day after that, and the neighborhood kids start going crazy with ice cream withdrawal. They start hallucinating that the see his truck. Crazy Ms. Vanderveer wanders around saying, "I didn't mean it, Leonard. Leonard, you were good to me!" and again, awesome. Rumors abound about what may have happened to him--his truck crashed, his head melted. Baby Heather Matarazzo thinks he remarried Cher. The kids are left with nothing else to do but sit on the curb and watch a neighbor's arm flub flop back and forth as she performs her yard work. That was disgusting when I saw it as a kid, and it's even more disgusting now. It is, as Little Pete said, a flesh avalanche. gross.

Artie, the Strongest Man in the World, is trying to get rid of the summer's killer bees by taking on the queen bee in a staring contest, when he notices the Tastee Mobile off on the horizon. Ellen uses some crazy mathematical formulas to pinpoint Mr. Tastee's location to northern Kentucky, and the search to bring him home has begun.

Ellen turns the Qwik Pik into a command center and opens every single photo packet that comes in to search for Mr. Tastee in the background like some sort of screwed-up Where's Waldo game. When she finds a clue, she pinpoints the location on a map and tries to predict his next move. How that will help them actually get in touch with Mr. Tastee, I have no idea. They have the police put up "missing" posters, Big Pete monitors the "official hotline" payphone, and Little Pete keeps lookout for the Tastee Mobile at the high dive of the local pool. But the lifeguard at the pool hates Little Pete, and their history goes back to last summer when he caught Little Pete eating a cheeseburger under water. He orders Pete off the high dive, so Little Pete gets even by jumping nonstop off the diving board all day, every day. This eventually gets to the lifeguard and makes him crack, so he begs Big Pete for help. Big Pete pretty awesomely "helps" by joining his brother on the diving board and jumping off. Little Pete pretty much gets free reign of the high dive after this, as Artie takes over as lifeguard after the original lifeguard's breakdown.

Big Pete decides to try to get info out of Ms. Vanderveer. She pulls up her dark sunglasses and says, "Leonard said my eyes were bluer than the bluest Blue Tornado bar. He did. He said that." She puts the glasses back on and kind of blindly reaches forward as Pete walks away. Big Pete then takes his search to Cloghaven beach. His dad likes to search for buried treasure there with his metal detector, because that is how he met the Petes' mother years ago, when his metal detector picked up the metal plate in her head. Big Pete questions Captain Scrummy, the local ice cream man at the beach. And hey kids, it's R.E.M. frontman Michael Stipe! I thought that I heard you laughing. I thought that I heard you sing. Anyway... he tells Big Pete that he seems like a bona fide Sludgesicle man, but Big Pete just wants a Blue Tornado, which is unfortunately exclusive to Mr. Tastee. Captain Scrummy tells Pete that Mr. Tastee wears the big plastic head because he "knows the rules" about not making friends with the kids. He says that ice cream men are there on the first hot day of summer, and they provide the kids with lots of different flavors to choose from, so what more should they want? Pete seems to get where he's coming from and says that he doesn't know anymore.

Pete's dad's metal detector starts beeping like crazy over a patch of sand, and the entire family helps him dig. Within the hour, they dig out a 1978 Cutlass Supreme. That's right, a car. They drive home in it, while the Petes' dad sings in celebration the entire way home.

The kids slowly start to give up on their search for Mr. Tastee, resigned to the fact that he is never returning. When Ellen and the Petes are finally closing down the Qwik Pik command center, someone knocks at the window--and it's Mr. Tastee! He'd seen their "missing person" fliers, and he has returned to pick up his photos. Ellen says that they've missed him, and he tells them not to say that. He has to go away on the last day of summer every year, and it's hard enough to do that without having kids miss him. Ellen asks him to just stay a little longer, and Mr. Tastee asks if they want to help him wax the Tastee Mobile. But when the sun sets, Mr. Tastee has to say goodbye. He promises to be back on the first hot day next summer, and he asks if he can get a picture with the three kids before he leaves. They wave goodbye to Mr. Tastee as Big Pete ponders the fact that they became more than just Mr. Tastee's customers in that final day, and that when it comes to people missing you, it's actually not that bad at all.

Random Thoughts:
-I've been to that pool in the scene with the diving board! It's in New Jersey.
- I noticed that in at least one scene, the close-up shots of the "missing" fliers had the phone number blurred out. I don't remember it originally airing like this, and plus that wouldn't make any sense for the show to shoot it only to have to blur it out. And the phone number is definitely not blurred out in far-away shots. It looks like a regular 555 television number, so I don't get why Nickelodeon felt the need to blur it on the dvd. I have older recordings of the episodes on VCD that were taped from the tv, so I'll have to see if it's blurred out there too.
-Wikipedia tells me that Toby Huss (Artie) also played Mr. Tastee. I never knew that before.
-Wikipedia also tells me that when this originally aired, before it was re-edited to fit into season 1, all the music in the episode was different from the typical Polaris background music. Why isn't that original cut on the dvd? Stuff like that annoys me. My VCD has the original version of the Valentine's Day special, but I only have the re-edit of this one.

"Cheating is a dreadful thing": Fifteen, 2.01 - People's Places*

2008-08-30T11:14:00.014-04:00

*Note: The only place I could find this episode title online was at tv.com, where it is listed as "Peoole's Places." However, that seems very much like a typo to me. But in the off chance that this episode really is titled "Peoole's Places, I figured I'd list it here anyway.

Most of the commenters in my "extra" post from a few weeks ago expressed interest in Fifteen (which is the American title of a Canadian show called Hillside, so Canadian and possibly other non-US readers know the show by that name). I was able to find one full-length episode so far on Youtube, so I figured I'd recap it this week. Consider it my lame attempt to make up for the lack of entries during my move.

Memories:

I remember the main characters and basic storylines from this show, and that pretty blonde Ashley was my favorite character. I think I wanted my name to be Ashley for awhile. And I loved her hair. I also have pretty strong memories of this scene from season 1 for some reason. I think it was part of an ad for the show. "That's it, Walker, push it!" classic. And the gay joke practically writes itself. Watching this specific episode again brought back more detailed memories--Ashley's basement; the Avalon (with its pinball machine!); Dylan's super-cool "rebellious" hair, leather jacket, and garage band. And I remember the soap-opera-ish scene-change music.

Recap:

This show had a large rotating cast of characters, some of whom I don't even remember because they didn't join the cast until the final season. So here is a list of the characters who actually show up in this episode, and those who were mentioned but not seen:

-In This Episode:

Ashley Fraiser - Pretty, blonde, "perfect" girl; dated Matt

Courtney Simpson - Ashley's best friend, older sister of Billy

Billy Simpson - Courtney's little brother, friends with Dylan; a young Ryan Reynolds

Dylan Blackwell - The rebel; in a band, always wears a leather jacket

Brooke Morgan - The mean girl; an all-around bitch; I hated her

Matt Walker - The basketball star with a drinking problem; dated Ashley; looks like a young Matthew Broderick

Arseman Harrell - Friend of Courtney and Ashley who shows up in season 2 as if she had always been there

Amanda Morgan - Brooke's goody-two-shoes little sister, introduced in season 2

Janice - Seems to show up for the first time in this first episode of season 2; rather unremarkable, at least in this episode

-Mentioned but Not Seen:

Jake Deosdade - The Asian character, who randomly goes to China for six weeks at the start of season 2

Theresa Morgan - Brooke's other nice-girl little sister, as seen here in a season 1 clip with Brooke's best friend/chief rival Kelly. Both girls do not appear in season 2; Brooke explains in this episode that Theresa has transferred to art school, but Kelly's disappearance is never explained.

From what I gather, this episode picks up on a few loose ends from season 1: Matt getting kicked off the basketball team for drinking, Ashley getting caught cheating on a math test and leaving school in shame, Matt and Ashley's breakup, and Brooke getting caught stealing a geography paper. Courtney is at Ashley's house and is about to leave to catch up on some homework. Courtney has curly reddish hair and no fashion sense. Ashley always talks in this affected hushed half-whisper. It sort of gives everything she says a bitch undertone, but I think it's just bad acting. Courtney asks if Ashley thinks she'll come back to school tomorrow, because it's been almost a whole entire week. Courtney says that no one cares that she cheated on the test. Ashley says she doesn't care what they think, but she's going away to private school anyway. Her parents think she's surrounded by bad influences at Hillside, and Ashley wants a change. She is moving into her new school the day after tomorrow. Ashley affected-half-whispers, "Well, you better go, Courtney. Don't you have homework to do?" and Courtney gives her a melodramatic "I can't believe you're doing this" look before walking upstairs, as Ashley affectedly throws a pillow onto her couch and sighs. God, you'd think she killed someone. All she did was cheat on a test? I'm sure that happens every day.

The Avalon! The cool hangout where everyone gathers. A group of very early-90s basketball players enters discussing plays. Matt approaches them and asks how it's going. Awwwwwwwk-ward. The team seems to be on a winning streak since Matt got kicked off. The guys mumble that it was good to see him and then bolt. Sucks to be Matt. Cue dramatic scene-change music.

At school, Brooke enters in what one Youtube commenter called her "Footlocker getup," and that could not be more accurate. She looks like a trendy bitch referee. She also cut her hair super-short in season 2, and I remember hating that look. Anyway, replacement-Theresa Amanda is there, trying to get Brooke to speak to her again after she told their father that Brooke had been caught paying someone else to write a geography paper for her. Amanda says that she didn't mean to tell, but it just slipped out. Brooke bitches that she's just a "sneaky little daddy's girl." She says she'll consider forgiving Amanda if she heads out to the spot where the school buses gather and sees if she can get herself run over. Harsh words there, Brooke. Brooke stomps off as the dramatic music plays and Amanda looks shocked and hurt. ha.

Back at the Avalon, Matt is playing the pinball game I remember so well. Billy walks in and asks how Matt's been doing and how Ashley is. Matt's all "why are you asking me???" and Billy's all "you're supposed to be her boyfriend, aren't you?" Oooh, tension. Matt hasn't seen Ashley in a week, but he's starting to get the feeling she doesn't want to talk to him. Billy asks why, and Matt snarks, "Because she keeps slamming the phone down in my ear. I'm a perceptive guy, Billy." Matt asks Billy to say hi if he happens to see her.

Back at school, Dylan says hi to Courtney, but she totally goes all ice-queen on him and blows him off. But he asks if she's seen Ashley lately. You can hear Dylan's obviously cheap leather jacket rubbing and squeaking as he moves... weird. And he has an earring and gelled hair and metal necklaces. And his name is Dylan. Of course his name is Dylan. Rebel-without-a-cause Dylan asks if Courtney knows whether Ashley is coming back to school, and Courtney bitchily snoots, "What do you think?" Dylan says that he doesn't think much, and according to his teachers, that's his problem. Ha ha... get it? --He's stupid. And a delinquent. And wears a leather jacket. He says he's just kinda wondering about Ashley, and Courtney is just like, "Well, see ya around" and leaves. Ooooh, burned.

Except that she only goes, like, two feet away, to a table where Arseman is sitting. I don't see why Dylan couldn't easily overhear their conversation. This was supposedly Arseman's first appearance, but they have her sitting there acting as if she's been friends with them the entire time. Oh! Maybe Courtney and Dylan have a romantic past together? Courtney tells Arseman that she no longer feels like killing Dylan, just, in Areseman's words, "maiming him a little." She tells Arseman never to get involved with a guy. Arseman says she's not planning to. Is this Arseman's way of announcing that she's a lesbian? Arseman and Courtney plan a surprise going-away gathering for Ashley at the Avalon as a way to show her that no one is judging her for cheating. Since Ashley doesn't want to see anybody, Courtney is going to invite her to a one-on-one night out for pizza, but all her other friends will "just happen" to show up. And who should overhear these plans but queen bitch Brooke. Arseman and Courtney tell Brooke to keep her mouth shut about the plans, and Brooke promises to keep their secret. Courtney and Arseman walk away, and Brooke goes all Shakespearean villain on us as she soliloquizes, "Absolutely. Not a word. Not one word to a single soul." dun-dun-DUN.

Back to Ashley's basement. Courtney stops by during lunch as Ashley is packing. She tries to convince Ashley that no one blames her for cheating, but Ashley says, "That really doesn't matter now, does it?" Actually, it kind of does. Otherwise, what else is there to leave school over? Courtney puts her plan in motion and invites Ashley out for one last pizza at the Avalon, and Ashley reluctantly accepts.

Matt is alone at a table at the Avalon, and Brooke enters and sits across from him. After a quick lame explanation about the mysterious disappearance of Brooke's original little sister Theresa, she "accidentally" lets it slip about Ashley's move to private school. She says, "Oh Matt, I'm so sorry! I feel so terrible!" complete with hand-over-heart posing as Matt leaves in a huff.

Courtney and Arseman are back at school discussing the night's plans. Courtney's turtleneck and dress make her look like a fifty-something-year-old schoolteacher. They decide to invite Brooke, since she knows about it anyway, and Matt, even though talking to him will be difficult. Matt oh-so-conveniently walks over at this moment and tells them that Brooke filled him in on Ashley's move. Matt is pissed that he wasn't told sooner. Even though her best friend didn't know until last night, and she hasn't spoken to him in a week, and they just broke up. Shut up, Matt. Courtney still thinks he should go because, "all I know is... [dramatic pause] ...I know she still cares." Matt storms off as Courtney and Arseman look worriedly at the camera.

Poor, pathetic new-girl Janice walks up to Dylan at his locker and introduces herself, but he makes it clear that he is way too cool and rebellious to be seen with her. Janice is wearing this ugly pink or possibly white (poor episode quality) blouse with black polka-dots all over it. Billy walks in and just pushes Janice aside to talk to Dylan. That was so awesome. But poor Janice.

Courtney and Ashley are having their "pizza for two" at the Avalon, and Ashley is bitching that she doesn't want to see anyone from school. Too bad, Ashley, here comes Arseman. They fess up to Ashley about the plan, and at first she gets up to leave, but Dylan and Billy show up next and the group reassures her that no one hates her for cheating. The boys back off to go grab a soda, and Ashley starts to relax a little. Cue Matt's entrance. Matt seems to be taking a cue from the Ashley acting school of the affected-half-whisper. They exchange a few affected words before Matt heads over to the pinball machine.

Enter Brooke. Brooke really has the stealth bitch act down cold. She goes all mock-concerned over Ashley, going on about how terrible it is that she's being shipped off to "reform school" and letting her know that they all "forgive" her for the "dreadful" act of cheating. After all, she only cheated because she was totally unprepared, and it isn't a crime to be inadequate. hee... what a bitch. But it's Dylan to the rescue! He walks over and tells Brooke to find a toilet and flush herself down it. How tough and rebellious of him. Brooke stomps off, and Ashley goes to have a tearful talk with Matt by the pinball table. It's all very emo and "wah-wah-wah... I'm sorry... it's awful when something really great gets totally ruined." Matt ends with a dramatic "Well... take care Ashley" with his eyes welled up with tears, and Ashley half-whispers, "You too" back to him, and I want to rip my eyes out after watching this scene, which culminates in Matt staring wistfully at the pinball machine.... yeah.

"Next time, on Fifteen": Oh noes! Matt's drinking again! And Billy sucks as a drummer. Oh, and Janice makes a friend! yay Janice! And Amanda grows a pair and tells Brooke that she has no friends.

Random Thoughts:

-Anyone know why Nickelodeon decided to change the show's title from Hillside to Fifteen for American audiences? It seems kind of random and arbitrary.

-I really liked Theresa better than Amanda.

-I watched this show all the time when I was in my preteen years. But I somehow never noticed how horribly over the top and melodramatic it was.

-As a 26-year-old who is an unashamed fan of both the original Degrassi Jr. High and Degrassi High as well as the newer "Next Generation" show, I can definitely say that if more episodes of this often overlooked Canadian teen melodrama are out there, I must find them.

"Let's play ball, basket cases!": Salute Your Shorts, 1.06 - Toilet Seat Basketball

2008-08-25T12:05:00.020-04:00

I'm back! All moved into my new place (but not all unpacked yet, and our internet is a little fussy). Sorry for the complete lapse in updates during the lead up to the move and move itself.

Memories:

This was another one I had to watch again before writing the "Memories" section. Ug's "Traveling! Blocking! Charging! You're outta there!" referee chant came back to me when I saw that scene. I think things that are sing-songie like that tend to stick in my memory very easily.

Recap:

Main Characters:

Bobby Budnick - Kind of a bully and all-around smart-ass; long red hair that was pretty much in a mullet in season 1

Eddie "Donkeylips" Gelfin - The requisite "fat kid at camp"; close friend of Budnick's

Sponge Harris - The nerd; skinny kid with glasses

Michael Stein - Kind of a normal Everyman sort of character, the "new kid" at the start of season 1

Ronnie Pinsky - Michael's replacement in season 2; more of a rival to Budnick

Dina Alexander - The rich, spoiled, fashion-loving girl

Telly Radford - The sporty girl

Z.Z. Ziff - The hippie-ish nature-loving girl

Kevin "Ug" Lee - The kids' counselor

Michael is narrating through Sponge's video camera as the kids play a game of basketball. They will soon be challenging the Hurricanes in a camp basketball tournament. Telly is the team leader. Michael introduces Donkeylips, saying that you better not get in his way. Cue Donkeylips running and crashing into the camera. Budnick brags about how good he is, only to miss his shot. The camera pans to Sponge, and Michael labels him the "brains behind the outfit." Sponge is currently picking his nose. Z.Z. and Dina are pretty much useless. The winners of the upcoming basketball tournament will have their names written on a plaque at camp. The losers, meanwhile, will have their picture "framed" in a toilet seat cover labeled "Losers" hanging on the wall.

Opening credits. I was going to include a link for everyone to enjoy since I didn't link to it last time, but the only thing close to it I can find is this one where some random obnoxious kid inserts himself into the theme song. Also, Venus de Milo can't really carry a tune.

At the start of what I assume is a team practice, Z.Z. picks up some acorns and announces to Dina that she is going to make them into earrings. But Dina informs her that "nature is out." Z.Z. actually seems hurt by this statement and wonders how nature could possibly ever be "out," since "we all come from the earth, just like these acorns." Dina's pretty awesome reply is, "Z.Z., I do not come from the earth. I come from New York." Telly heads over, ready to start practice. The boys are sitting on the bleachers with a fan blowing in their faces. Budnick says he's got two words for her: "Get a life, we're not moving." ha. Donkeylips is wearing what looks like one of those beer helmets with two cans on each side with straws leading into his mouth. Telly starts trying to draw one of those playbook diagrams of X's and O's in the dirt with a stick... and is she stupid? A third of her team is made up of Dina and Z.Z. Just tell everyone to pass the ball to her or Budnick and they'll be all set. But no, she insists on drawing her X's and O's, and when she asks what the team's next move in that play should be, Donkeylips gets up and points to the dirt, saying, "tic-tac-toe, three in a row." Again, ha. Telly says not to blame her when they put their faces on the toilet bowl. Budnick fake-sincerely says she's got their undivided attention. He's wearing a shirt with a sad smiley face on it, and I want it. Telly launches into another overcomplicated play, but the other kids all get up and leave as she's drawing in the dirt again. Awesome. You suck, Telly.

Telly is in the common room staring at the winner's plaque, and Ug comes in to tell her about how the plaque is one of the great traditions of Camp Anawana. Wow, Ug looks so young in this scene. For some reason, people who are older than me always look older to me, even if I'm watching a tape that's 15 years old and I could very well be older now than they were when they made it. Does that make any sense? Like, Uncle Jesse on Full House always looks old to me even in season 1, when he was only supposed to be around 24, and even though I'm 26 now I still see season 1 Uncle Jesse as "older than me." But here Ug looks really young. Maybe it's the backwards hat he's wearing? Anyway, Ug says that the plaque memorializes the camp's former heroes. The list goes back to 1977. Telly tells Ug that her team pretty much sucks, and Ug says that if she wants to be a leader she'll have to learn the "four F's" of good leadership: fearlessness, fairness, firmness, and control. Telly astutely points out that "control" does not start with an F, so Ug changes it to three F's and a C. Telly says that that sounds like Donkeylips' report card.

Dr. Kahn announces that both basketball teams can get out of instructional swim to relax and reflect quietly before the game. Telly's team, of course, is using this time to have a squirt gun competition. Telly comes in and spoils their fun by trying to blow a whistle to silence them, but the whistle appears to be broken. Ha ha, Telly. You suck. Not everyone wants to spend all their free time playing sports. Telly thinks the whistle must be one of those ones that only dogs can hear. Cue Donkeylips holding his hands over his ears in pain. ha. Poor Donkeylips. Telly yells at her team to drop their water guns and be dressed and on the court in ten minutes. The others totally blow her off and continue the squirt gun fight. Awesome.

Back at the basketball court, Z.Z. is the only one who joins Telly, saying that she wants a drill. Telly starts off on a litany of basketball drills they can work on, but Z.Z. interrupts to say that no, she actually meant drills from the tool shop, so that she could work on her acorn earrings. Umm, then why is she at the basketball court rather than at the tool shop? I hate when jokes are written around the punchline even when said punchline makes no sense in the given context. Telly says, "But what about the team?" Z.Z., who must be a little slow, says that she guesses that she could make earrings for everyone, but she doesn't think they'll look that great on the guys. Normally, I'd mock Z.Z. for her stupidity here, but I really am not much of a Telly fan, and I love how everyone is screwing with her this episode. Z.Z. skips off, assumedly on her way to pick up a drill.

Ug is standing in front of a mirror in full referee getup, totally powertripping on the fact that he has a whistle. I guess when your job title is "camp counselor" you need to feel important any way you can. He starts this chant of "Traveling! Blocking! Charging! You're outta there!" and sort of dances off running through it.

At the tournament, Telly's team is lounging around on the bleachers with drinks while the Hurricanes take practice shots. When Telly shows up, Dina says they're "celebrating their victory," and Telly yells that they haven't even played yet. Good point, Telly, but I still don't like you and think you're getting way too uptight over a silly basketball game. Maybe that's just because I was never a sporty girl though. Still, if she wanted to win so badly, why not hold tryouts or something to put together a team of talented players who were invested in the game? Why have people like Dina and Z.Z. anywhere near the court? It's her own fault for expecting to win with the team she has. Telly commands them all to sit up and pay attention, and then says, "Donkeylips, down here," pointing to the spot in next to her as if he's a dog or something. I know you're supposed to be on Telly's side here, but I'm so not. Telly orders Donkeylips to lift up his shirt. Well then. She's drawn a secret play on his back with marker (why he let her do this, I have no idea), and everyone gags at the sight of Donkeylips' sweaty back. Budnick says that the secret play must be "Donkeylips raises his armpits and everyone faints." Budnick was pretty awesome, even though he is an ass.

The game starts, and Telly yells to pass the ball to Z.Z., who is open. When the ball is finally passed to her, she just stares off into space as a Hurricanes player grabs it and scores. Telly asks why Z.Z. just stood there, and Z.Z. dreamily says that she was just thinking about how much she likes birds. Telly must be getting really pissed off now, it's great. Budnick, meanwhile, is shoving Ug for no real reason. Telly calls a timeout. She says they're supposed to be working together, not against each other (wow, the writers really are doing all they can to get you on Telly's side, aren't they?). Then there's a really abrupt cut to a shot of the three boys on the ground wrestling over the ball and Ug breaking them up.

At the end of this first game (of three), which we assume they lost, Telly is once again lecturing her team. No one seems to really care. Z.Z. says that in the second half, she lost one of her acorn earrings. Telly bitchily responds, "No one is interested." Actually, Telly, no one seems all that interested in the game either, so shut up. Z.Z. says that some people might be interested because when she was looking for it, she found a tooth, and if no one claims it she will make a pendant out of it. umm, eww. The tooth is Michael's. Telly lectures, "Michael lost a tooth in a brawl with his own teammates. Now what does that tell us?" Budnick, of course, responds that it means that Michael fights like a wuss. Telly says that no, it means that that they're not a team, and Budnick fires back that that's because of her. Do I actually agree with Budnick? Budnick says that she stinks as a captain. Yes, yes I do agree with Budnick. Telly, showcasing her bad-captain-ness, tells them fine, just go ahead and pick a new captain, because she thinks they're all lazy chumps. That's some good leadership right there. Budnick nominates himself as new captain and guarantees a win using the patented Bobby Budnick method, which makes "sitters and quitters" into "winners and grinners" by using your brain over your muscles. Telly thinks Budnick is full of shit, but all the others are intrigued by his method and vote him in as captain.

The morning of game 2. Budnick arrives to the court with new tie-dyed shirts with bombs drawn on them that read "Budnick's Bombers" on the front. His advice to Michael as they step out onto the court is, "win, you knob!" The Hurricanes, however, pull way ahead. Budnick calls a timeout, during which Telly asks him if he's got any bright ideas. Budnick tells her to "ride the pine," and I'm not exactly sure what that's supposed to mean, but it's still funny. Budnick dramatically ties a bandana around his head as he puts himself in the game. There's one of those three-in-a-row repeat shots of him turning around with the bandana on to increase the drama of this moment. hee. He goes out and starts kicking ass and being a ball-hog, but the team does start to catch up to the Hurricanes as everyone looks on in shock. Budnick's team ends up winning 28-21.

Dr. Kahn awards Budnick's team free sodas, which they shake up and squirt all over each other. But Telly is not celebrating. She storms in and sarcastically says, "Congratulations, Budnick. I don't know how you did it." Oh shut up, Telly. Budnick just says he's a natural-born winner and continues celebrating. That night, Telly is lying in bed still being pissy that the team won without her in charge. She wakes up Dina, who was about to get into a ferris wheel with Patrick Swayze in her dream. Telly says that Michael Jordan couldn't have pulled off the moves Budnick made that day, and she vows to get to the bottom of it.

The next morning, Telly spies Budnick thumbing through a book, and when he leaves his cabin, she sneaks in to find that it is none other than the Hurricanes' playbook. Didn't this happen in some other kids show too? Budnick wagers his entire candy supply on the upcoming game because he feels that the game is a lock. Telly, because she's a bitch, crumples up the Hurricanes' plays and throws them one by one into the "Losers" toilet seat on the wall. I know they're trying so desperately to get the audience on Telly's side, but I'm just not. I wonder if as a kid I was angry with Budnick for cheating. I mean, obviously he's being a shady little rat, but Telly just pisses me off so much with her attitude. Budnick shows the other guys the playbook, and they discover that it's empty. Telly and the other girls are there to snap a polaroid of Budnick's reaction, as Telly triumphantly proclaims, "roasted, toasted, and burned to a crisp!" hee! I remember that line from the first episode of this show, when Budnick said it a few times. Budnick says that he only did what they wanted--made them winners without having to work. Telly said that they can do whatever they want, but she doesn't want to be involved in a scam like this. Could she be any more high and mighty?

Telly is back out on the court by herself when a side-ponytailed Z.Z. comes by saying she wants a drill--a basketball drill. Telly is thrilled, and then the rest of the team gathers around and says they told the Hurricanes everything, and the Hurricanes still want to play them in a fair game. The team gets to work on some passing drills. Ug comes by and tells them it's their shift for dinner cleanup duty in the kitchen (umm, is that normal at camp? Do they really make the kids clean the buildings and stuff???). At first they're worried because they can't practice, but Telly is there to come to the rescue and turn the cleanup into basketball-like drills of passing and shooting with trash and plates.

The next day during the final game, the team is actually doing pretty well and staying even with the Hurricanes despite only having one quasi-legitimate practice. It is 19-20, Hurricanes, there's 10 seconds left, and Telly's team has the last shot. Budnick asks to be let in the game, giving a big sappy speech about how "if we can learn to play together on this court, then mankind can learn to play together on the court of life, and we'll all come out winners." I love Budnick. He's just worried about his candy. Telly's not buying his speech, but lets him in anyway, telling him to play team ball. But of course he doesn't, and he takes a shot himself rather than passing to a wide-open Michael. He misses, they lose, and everyone is pissed at him. Awesome... Donkeylips just said, "smooth move, Ex-Lax!" I love him. Ug takes a picture of them looking pissed off, which is then prominently displayed on the toilet seat frame of losers. Budnick has to hand his candy over to the Hurricanes, which makes the rest of the kids feel a little better. But Budnick gets the last laugh once again, as he was hiding more candy under his shirt strapped around his waist.

Random Thoughts:

-Do kids these days still play with squirt guns? I hope so.

-I kind of like how there is some embarrassment involved for the losing team, in the whole toilet-seat-photo thing. It feels like too many kids shows nowadays partake in that "everyone gets a trophy and we're all winners" mentality, and in doing so they miss out on the comedy of toilet seat basketball.

-My recording of the episode has a voice-over ad for The Tomorrow People during the closing credits. Did anyone watch this show? I didn't really like that one, so I rarely saw it. But coming up after this Salute Your Shorts episode aired was Legends of the Hidden Temple. I really miss old Nickelodeon.

Extra: 1991 Nickelodeon programming guide

2008-08-21T09:42:00.011-04:00

So this doesn't count as a real update, I know. It's totally cheating on my part. But I'm about halfway through my next real recap (a Salute Your Shorts episode), and all the "midweek free time" I thought I'd have to get it done has been taken up by helping my mother with the first part of this big research paper she has to do that she's been freaking out over. And between leaving work on Friday and having to squeeze in seeing a bunch of people before I go, I don't think I'll be able to have time to get the update completed until Sunday at the earliest now. So, to tide you over until then, I wanted to post this in the meantime.

Below is a copy of what was airing on Nickelodeon in the summer of 1991. I believe this is correct for at least the Eastern US, but I'm not sure how other time zones or other countries worked. I found it when I was searching for copies of other old shows that I haven't tracked down yet. Thank you to Steve of Rugrats Online for putting this together in the first place and then letting me reproduce it here. Fans of the old (pre-Dil) Rugrats can check out his pretty extensive site (that's been up since 1996).

So, what strikes me about this schedule is how vastly different it is from Nick's present-day schedule. It looks like Pinwheel (anyone remember Pinwheel?) was off the air by this point, but I used to watch that all the time in the 80s. The nighttime airings of Doug, Rugrats, and Ren and Stimpy (with the asterisks) were not the usual programming, but this was taken from TV Guide the week the Nicktoons first premiered and were broadcast in primetime. What is really sticking out to me is the Special Delivery (remember that?) installment titled Pardon Me for Living. I totally remember watching that as a kid, but I only have the vaguest of memories about it. I think it was about a shy boy, or maybe it was the one about the heavy girl who was teased (or maybe they were both in this one). And Manxmouse. I remember that one too... I believe it was a cartoon. I wish they'd re-air those old Special Delivery specials.

So, what are people's favorites from this list? Had people forogtten about any of these shows? Anything here you'd especially want me to try to track down for recaps if they're floating around somewhere?

	Saturday	Sunday	Weekdays
6AM	Lassie
6:30AM	Littl' Bits		Kidsworld
7AM	Eureeka's Castle		Mr. Wizard's World
7:30AM	Kid's Court		Yogi Bear
8AM	Cound Duckula		Inspector Gadget
8:30AM	Heathcliff
9AM	Inspector Gadget	Cartoon Kablooey	Lassie
9:30AM	Inspector Gadget	Inspector Gadget	Maya The Bee
10AM	Yogi Bear	Doug	Eureeka's Castle
10:30AM	Yogi Bear	Rugrats	Eureeka's Castle
11AM	Out Of Control	Ren & Stimpy	The Elephant Show (Sharon, Lois & Bram)
11:30AM	SK8TV	Salute Your Shorts	Fred Penner's Place
12 Noon	Dennis The Menace (1960's sitcom)	Wild & Crazy Kids	David The Gnome
12:30PM	Dennis The Menace (1960's sitcom)	Clarissa Explains It All	The Little Koala
1PM	Lassie	Fifteen	Noozles
1:30PM	Flipper	Welcome Freshmen	Maya The Bee
2PM	Special Delivery: "Manxmouse"	Special Delivery: "Adventures Of Tom Sawyer"	Littl' Bits
2:30PM		Special Delivery: "Adventures Of Tom Sawyer"	Lassie
3PM		Special Delivery: "Drawing A Blank"	Flipper
3:30PM	Special Delivery: "The Tin Soldier"	Special Delivery: "Pardon Me For Living"	Looney Tunes
4PM	You Can't Do That On Television		Heathcliff
4:30PM	Make The Grade		Yogi Bear
5PM	Family Double Dare		Mork & Mindy
5:30PM	Salute Your Shorts	Fifteen	Hey Dude
6PM	Wild & Crazy Kids
6:30PM	Welcome Freshmen	Clarissa Explains It All	Get The Picture
7PM	Inspector Gadget
7:30PM	Looney Tunes
8PM	Looney Tunes	Doug*	Mork & Mindy
8:30PM	Bewitched	Rugrats*	Bewitched
9PM	Donna Reed	Ren & Stimpy*	Get Smart
9:30PM	Mister Ed		Dragnet (' 67 - ' 70)
10PM	My Three Sons		Alfred Hitchcock Presents
10:30PM	The Patty Duke Show		Green Acres
11PM	Dobie Gillis	Hi Honey, I'm Home (repeat of latest ABC episode)	The Best of Saturday Night Live
11:30PM	Alfred Hitchcock Presents		Mister Ed
12 Mid	Bewitched		Looney Tunes
12:30AM	Green Acres		Dobie Gillis
1AM	The Best Of Saturday Night Live		The Patty Duke Show
1:30AM	America 2 Night (Fernwood 2 Night)		My Three Sons
2AM	Dragnet (' 67 - ' 70)	Infomercials	Donna Reed (except Wednesday: Infomercial)
2:30AM	Donna Reed		America 2 Night (Fernwood 2 Night)
3AM	Mister Ed		Mork & Mindy
3:30AM	My Three Sons		Get Smart
4AM	The Patty Duke Show		Dragnet (' 67 - ' 70)
4:30AM	Dobie Gillis		Alfred Hitchcock Presents
5AM	America 2 Night (Fernwood 2 Night)		Mister Ed
5:30AM	Dragnet (' 67 - ' 70)		Dobie Gillis

I'm moving!

2008-08-17T22:30:00.002-04:00

So, I am moving in less than a week so that my awesome fiance can start a PhD program. I'm also transitioning into working from home after this week, since I'm keeping my current job after the move. And because of all this, my free time, especially on the weekends, is completely crazy right now. There will be an update coming, but I probably won't be able to keep up my usual Sunday (or Monday at the latest) update schedule for the next week or two.... I expect to have more time midweek this week and next week. So I will get the next update up as soon as I can, hopefully in a few days, and once the move is over I can get back into my regular schedule.

"Let's get a shot of him feeling my muscle": Doug, 2.11 - Doug Pumps Up/Doug Goes Hollywood

2008-08-10T18:31:00.025-04:00

I chose to repeat Doug this week for two reasons. First, this week (August 11) is the anniversary of the day Nickelodeon launched its first three Nicktoons back in 1991. And second is that in honor of the Olympics, since there's no shows I can recall with actual Olympics-themed episodes, I figured I could at least recap episodes that involved sports competitions of some sort these next two weeks. But I must apologize if this is not the best recap ever--I've had a migraine/headache of some sort literally for about three days now, and being on the computer makes it worse.

Memories:

I remember Doug getting really bad rope burn when he tried to do the rope climb event. It was painful just to watch that scene. And I remember that the only event he could do after that was sit-ups. I always thought I could've won the sit-ups contest too. In my fourth grade journal we had to write in every now and then for one class, I have one entry that says "today I did 200 sit-ups in gym." I definitely would not be able to pull that off now.

Recap:

Major Characters (since I missed listing them the first time around):

Doug Funnie - Our eleven-and-a-half-year-old main character

Porkchop - Doug's dog; he's Doug's friend and a whole lot more

Skeeter Valentine - Doug's best friend

Patti Mayonnaise - Doug's friend/secret crush

Roger Klotz - The bully

Beebe Bluff - The rich girl whose father owns pretty much the entire town

Chalky Studebaker - The all-star athlete, natural leader, good student, etc.

Connie Benge - Another classmate of Doug's, sweet and innocent, kind of heavyset in the Nickelodeon years but a lot skinnier in the Disney-fied version of the show

Judy Funnie - Doug's dramatic, Shakespeare-loving older sister

Phil and Theda Funnie - Doug's parents (they have first names?)

Mr. Bone - Doug's school principal

Mr. Bud Dink - Doug's crazy neighbor, known for his lisp and weird guffaw laugh

Mrs. Tippy Dink - Mr. Dink's wife, almost always very dry and sarcastic

Bob White - The mayor of Bluffington. "Vote for me."

Doug Pumps Up

Opening theme. Doug and Skeeter are at the mall, and Doug sees Patti carrying some heavy bags and offers to help. He jokes, "What did you buy, barbells???" and Patti answers, "...yeah" somewhat embarrassedly. Connie and Beebe walk over and just throw their bags into Doug's arms as well. That's kind of rude of them. Doug understandably collapses from the weight, but Beebe and Connie laugh at him because he's so weak. How bitchy is that? They throw their bags at him and then laugh in his face when he drops them (in front of the girl it's blatantly obvious he has a crush on).

Title screen: Doug chases after Porkchop after Porkchop paints the episode title onto the wall, and then Porkchop sneaks back to shut off the light.

Patti helps Doug up after he falls, and Doug mumbles a lame excuse about there being a bump in the sidewalk. Doug and Skeeter see a life-size cardboard cutout of Ronald Weisenheimer (an obvious Arnold Schwarzenegger parody) with a recording telling them to sign up for the All-Bluffington Fitness Test. Doug fantasizes being big and jacked like Weisenheimer. Patti, surrounded by weights and barbells, says in a damsel-in-distress voice, "How are we going to carry all this stuff?" Doug-as-Weisenheimer walks over and grabs all the girls' weights and barbells as he proclaims, "No problemo" in an Arnold-esque accent. Back in real life, Doug and Skeeter both go to sign up for the Fitness Test. Chalky Studebaker is handling the signups, of course. He says hi to Doug but then calls out, "Next!" and doesn't believe Doug when Doug says that he is next.

Walking home, Skeeter also questions Doug's ability to compete in the Fitness Test. Way to be supportive, best friend. Kids really are assholes to each other. Motivational music plays as Doug says that maybe he won't set any records, but he's going to train and in four to five weeks will be ready to pass that test. Skeeter bursts his bubble by telling him that the test is the day after tomorrow. Because he needs to think fast, he for some reason thinks it's a good idea to visit crazy psycho Mr. Dink, who is bound to have exercise equipment. Mr. Dink has just acquired a ("very expensive," as is his trademark) Lazy Guy exercise system that promises to make working out easy and fun. Doug's walking on a treadmill where a background behind him changes the scenery to any kind of setting he'd desire. One of the available backgrounds is the moon, which Mr. Dink says that Tippy loves. "It reminds me of our honeymoon," Tippy replies with her usual dry sarcasm. They must have the weirdest relationship ever. Doug thinks that he should be working hard and sweating, but Mr. Dink assures him that the Lazy Guy does all the hard work for you. He brings Doug over to do pull-ups to work on his arms, but the shot widens to reveal that Doug is standing on a platform that is raising and lowering him automatically for each pull-up. Mr. Dink's reaction is, "I bet you thought working out had to be painful!" Why is Doug even stupid enough to go to Mr. Dink in the first place? The man is obviously insane. And he's not exactly the poster-boy of fitness. Plus, in the first episode of the series I recapped last time, Mr. Dink tells Doug he's a writer. And believe me, there's no way a writer can afford all this "very expensive" crap he's always talking up to anyone who will listen. No wonder Tippy always sounds like she wants to kill herself. Anyway, the pull-up machine goes out of control and is way too fast for Doug.

Doug walks back home, his arms still stuck in pull-up position. He has to bend way over to look at the paper on his front steps because he can't move his arms to pick it up, and when he does succeed in lowering his arms, he can't raise them to lift the paper. He heads to the school gym for a real workout. He starts off trying to lift gigantic barbells that are too heavy for him, but know-it-all Chalky tells him not to strain himself. But Doug rationalizes that since he only has 24 hours to get into shape, he better keep at the big weights. He fantasizes that he is in the Mr. Dumbell competition, once again big and jacked and up against similarly muscular guys. But they are all put to shame by a bodybuilding Porkchop in a Speedo. Poor Doug is even pathetic in his fantasy. I can relate. Back in real life, Doug manages to get the large weight lifted over his head but is losing control of it. Chalky comes by to see if he's OK, and Doug drops the weight and it falls on top of his foot.

After a trip to the nurse's office, Doug's right foot is bandaged up, and he thinks this means he is out of the Fitness Test and that everyone will think he is a goof. But he spies a climbing rope in the gym and gets an idea--he doesn't need his foot for the rope climb, so he can focus on that event. (Here comes that horrible rope-burn scene I remember from when I was a kid....) Doug is having some success at rope climbing, and he fantasizes that he's on Bloatsburg Gladiators, climbing a rope as a challenger pours butter down it. His opponent then bites Doug's rope in half so that Doug falls into an alligator pit. But Doug springs off the alligator's jaws to grab the bell at the top of the rope and ring it with his teeth as the announcer proclaims, "What an athlete!" Back in the real world, Doug has successfully reached the top of his gym rope. But in his celebration, he loses his grip and slides all the way down the rope, his hands smoking from the rope burn. Not fun to watch.

It is the day of the Fitness Test, and the mayor is there with Ronald Weisenheimer. The mayor wants a shot of Weisenheimer feeling his muscle (that sounds a little dirty as I type it...), and Weisenheimer grabs his arm but totally flattens it with his grip. I remember that part! Chalky asks Doug what happened to his hands, which are also now bandaged like his foot. That's the thing about Chalky--he's one of those perfect-at-everything people who you really want to hate except that he's so nice you can't hate him without feeling guilty. I knew someone like that growing up. Doug sits on the sidelines prepared to just watch the Fitness Test. Patti walks over, and her arm is in a sling because she pulled a muscle trying to carry those bags at the mall. I bet Connie and Beebe laughed at her too, bitches. Doug says that Patti can still run without her arm, but Patti thinks she'd look kind of stupid. Doug encourages her to go for it anyway, and she says they should go together. Doug says that sitting is about all he can do, and then gets the brilliant idea to enter the sit-ups contest.

Skeeter counts out Doug's sit-ups as Patti runs in her race. Doug reaches 200 and then 300 sit-ups, and the only other person still left in the competition at this point is of course Chalky. They reach 400, and Patti wins another race. Chalky collapses at 500 sit-ups. Doug is about to quit at 497, but Patti urges him to keep going, and he pushes himself to 501 to win the competition. The mayor comes over to shake Doug's still-rope-burned hands, and Arnold Weisenheimer tells him, "Someday, you will be like me." Dream big, Doug. Patti tells Doug that he was wonderful, causing Doug to spout little hearts on either side of his head, and Chalky tells him that he has a lot of guts. That's kind of arrogant, isn't it? Chalky's trying to act like a good loser, but you know he's secretly beating himself up over losing to a skinny little artsy type like Doug and worried that his over-demanding father will hate him. Or maybe that was just Emilio Estevez in The Breakfast Club. Doug writes in his journal that once he stopped worrying about having to impress everybody, he discovered that he is a sit-up machine. umm, good for you? I guess you have to take what you can get.

Doug Goes Hollywood

Hot-shot director J.B. Spigot is reportedly in Bluffington scouting for a fresh new face to star in his latest big movie. Word is really getting around. Mr. Spigot's limo stops outside the Funnies' lawn, where Phil, Doug, and Porkchop are playing catch. He snaps to his sycophantic little assistant and whispers something in his ear. The assistant walks over to Doug and tells him that he's got something special there. Doug introduces himself and Porkchop, and Mr. Spigot through his assistant says that he's perfect. The assistant snaps a photo and gives Doug Mr. Spigot's business card, promising that "my people will call your people."

Title screen: Same as the one in the first half, with Doug chasing after Porkchop and Porkchop coming back to shut off the light. Were they always the same in both halves of the episode? That is kind of lame.

Doug, who apparently hasn't heard the Spigot buzz around town, wonders if anyone's ever heard of him. Judy and her theater-snob friends are driving to hear Mr. Spigot announce his movie plans to the town, commenting on how Spigot is banal and cliche. And that they'd give anything to be in his movie. The whole town is gathered to hear the announcement, and Doug is shocked that so many people know who Spigot is. Doug apparently lives under a rock. Skeeter informs him that Spigot has done all of the "Wafflestomper" movies, which Doug has actually heard of. Roger says that he intends to be chosen as the new Wafflestomper, and if Patti plays her cards right she could get cast as Wafflestomper's girl.

This, of course, sets Doug's horny little mind off into a fantasy where Patti is tied to a chair (how kinky of you, Doug) by Roger and his gang dressed as evil James Bond-esque villains. They laugh maniacally, but then Doug-as-Wafflestomper with slicked-back hair and a white suit jacket enters and cheesily announces "trick-or-treat" in a low monotone. Villain-Roger claims that they're not doing anything wrong, but Wafflestomper-Doug comes back with the oh-so-clever monotoned retort of "liar, liar, pants on fire." Villain-Roger hates stupid catchphrases and sends his guys to attack Wafflestomper, but Wafflestomper lives up to his name by stomping on the ground with his large feet, causing heavy boxes to fall on Roger's goons. Then he picks up Roger by the collar as Roger calls Wafflestomper a "big-footed baboon." Wafflestomper's monotone cheesy reply here is, "Ouch. You burned me."

Doug is snapped back into reality by the arrival of Mr. Spigot's limo to the town hall. Mr. Spigot's assistant (apparently named Curtis) speaks again on Mr. Spigot's behalf. He says that Mr. Spigot still wants to look at more of the townspeople but wants to see them being themselves in their own element, so they should act as if he isn't there. Anyone who's ever seen an episode of The Real World knows that acting as if they don't have an audience will be impossible for the Bluffington townspeople.

Back at home, Doug hears Judy gushing on the phone about how Mr. Spigot looked right at her when he said the word "star." She wants to take his movie and use it as a stepping-stone into more artistic projects, and she says that if she doesn't get this part, she will just die. Doug tries to tell her that Spigot picked him, but she slams the door in his face. He heads outside and sees Mr. Dink driving his car to the mall in a superhero costume. Although I'm sure this is just part of a normal day for Mr. Dink, Doug asks why he's dressed that way. Spigot is rumored to be at the mall, and word is going around that his new movie is going to be superhero themed. Skeeter shows up on his skateboard dressed as an astronaut, saying he heard it was a space-adventure flick. And then Roger appears dressed as Frankenstein to say that he heard the movie will be a monster movie. Mr. Dink drives them all to the mall, where everyone is dressed in bizarre outfits and trying to perform and show off in front of Mr. Spigot. Just then Doug spots Judy dressed as a homeless person. Maudlin music plays as Judy crawls up to Spigot's table in the mall pizza shop, crying and over-acting as she holds up a ragdoll and says, "It's too late for me, but please, sir, the child!!!" Spigot and his assistant get up without a word to her.

The next day, Doug once again tries to tell Judy that he got the part over her. He asks hypothetically what she'd do if he got the part and she didn't. Judy laughs at him and says she'd hurl herself off of Mount St. Buster. Doug doesn't have the heart to tell her that it's true that he has been selected. He envisions himself as a big-time movie star with what looks like red leather pants with a matching jacket and dark sunglasses, flanked by two bodyguards. They're walking down the street followed by Doug's adoring fans, when they come across a poor homeless Judy, trying to get some money by dressing cats up in tutus and holding up their front legs to make them "dance." Doug's entourage laugh at her as they walk by, but Doug walks back and throws a few coins her way. Homeless Judy cries, "Bless you, sir!" as Doug fades out of his fantasy and back to town hall, where the entire town is once again gathered.

Mr. Spigot, or rather, Curtis, is going to announce his decision to the crowd. He says, "The new star is YOU" and points in Doug's direction, but Doug feels that he can't do that to Judy because acting means the world to her, and he starts to protest and turn the offer down. Curtis then clarifies that he wasn't pointing to Doug, but to Porkchop, who is perfect for the new dog food commercial they're shooting. The entire crowd is of course pissed off to hear that the "big movie" is in reality only a dog food ad, and Roger asks why Mr. Spigot wanted to see the townspeople in the first place. Mr. Spigot himself replies, "Well, somebody's gotta open the can."

Some time later, Doug's family is watching the completed commercial on TV. Porkchop is the star, and Judy got to "act" after all, as she was chosen to be the can-opener. "Don't you love the minimal understatement of the gesture?" she asks Doug.

Random Thoughts:

-I didn't watch the Disney Doug all that much, but now when I watch this one all I can think of is how much I hated Patti's new short hair in the Disney series.

-I love Judy. I don't think I quite "got" her as a nine-year-old when the series first started, but now she is awesome.

-This episode includes the closing credits, whereas the first episode I recapped didn't. If you don't remember them, music from the episode plays as pencil drawings of Doug and Porkchop wave goodbye, growing increasingly more tired/bored as the credits wear on. Porkchop eventually pulls out his headphones and begins dancing, but Doug taps his foot reprimandingly at him and Porkchop sheepishly runs away, with Doug chasing after him.

"This year, I'm not going to look like Miss Dorkus USA": Clarissa Explains It All, 1.02 - School Picture

2008-08-03T22:03:00.017-04:00

Memories:

I remember weird random details from this episode, like Clarissa's friend's earrings that looked like big globes. And I remember Clarissa's homemade computer game where her mother had to choose the "real" Clarissa from a burning building filled with look-alike imposters. For the show in general, I remember how I loved Clarissa's "No Fergusons" sign on her door (a photo of his face with a circle around it and line through it) and her "Guard Dog"--the photo of a dog that had a real (non-photo) chain leash around its neck that was thumbtakced to the door. I always wanted a cool room with a cool door. I got my own room when I was eight, but it had formerly been our front porch and had no door whatsoever, just a doorway. It was rough.

Recap:

Major characters:

Clarissa Darling - Teenage girl explaining her life and world to us

Sam - Clarissa's cute guy friend

Ferguson Darling - Clarissa's obnoxious kiss-ass little brother

Janet Darling - Clarissa's health-food-nut mother

Marshall Darling - Clarissa's father, an architect known for his bizarre modern designs

The dvd labels this episode as episode 2, but imdb says it was produced second but aired as episode 6. Clarissa, in a studded leather jacket and bright red punk wig, turns to face the camera. She assures us that the new style doesn't mean she's joined a cult or anything, but that she's making a statement (or, she will be, once she figures out what that statement is). Clarissa tells us that there are three days a year that really burn her up. First is New Year's Eve, when you want to be rocking with Echo and the Bunnymen (only it sounds like she says "Echo and a Bunny Man") but instead always wind up listening to Guy Lombardo and watching old Lawrence Welk reruns with Aunt Dorny. (There are so many early-90s references in this episode, it hurts. And I mean that in a good way.) Second is Ferguson's birthday, which according to Clarissa's animated calendar that pops up on the screen is February 13. Third is School Picture Day, which is a day to wear dweeby clothes and get your picture taken so your mom can give it to your grandparents to show to random people on buses. Clarissa vows that this year will be different and there will be no dweeby knee socks or cardigan sweaters that make her look like everyone else in her class photo. She's currently wearing a wide-brimmed purple hat, hippie glasses, a black scarf with neon yellow spots, an orange jacket, a black and white leopard print baggy shirt, and black pants. Claudia Kishi would be proud.

Opening credits. Way cool! But it's the credits from the second through fifth seasons even though this is the season 1 dvd. Remember the first season credits, where Clarissa woke up in her pink pajamas printed with black ants all over them? I loved those pajamas. And then her family tries to get her to dress the way they see her (her mom puts her in a ballerina tutu, her dad in a basketball uniform, her brother in a gorilla suit), and then Sam finally helps her morph into her own unique look. I can't find a YouTube video of it anywhere, but I liked that opening so much better. When season 2 began, all the season 1 episodes used the new opening in reruns, which sucked.

Back to Clarissa's room, where she's pulling clothes out of her closet. "Salt N' Pepa say, 'Shake your groove thing--ow! Do what you wanna do': This is the exact philosophy I'm adopting for Picture Day," she tells us. (The actual song in question just says "shake your thang" ..."Shake Your Groove Thing" is that disco song from Peaches and Herb.) She shows us last year's class photo,where the entire class looks bland and boring in kilts or slacks and blouses. But she can't make up her mind about what rebellious look to go with this year. Since I went to a Catholic school my entire life and always had to wear a uniform, I never much put up a fight about school picture outfits, since I was always just so thrilled to not have to wear that awful plaid skirt/vest/knee socks combo for a day.

Clarissa's red-haired friend Jody stops by. It's very weird to see a friend enter through Clarissa's door and not her window. Jody has big hair and a wide headband. She also has an accent that I can't place, but I know I've heard it before. It's the same one that Anna Chlumsky and Fred Savage have (he doesn't actually speak in that clip I linked to, but I love that scene so I couldn't resist). Jody pronounces "Clarissa" like "Claire-issa" instead of "Cluh-rissa." Claire-issa and Jody are helping each other brainstorm cool outfits, and Jody has brought over her brother's Elvis impersonator costume so Clarissa can try on the jacket. But she'll need it back next weekend because her brother is playing a sweet sixteen party where the girl's father is a Star Search judge, and it could be his big break. Clarissa hands Jody a cape that she says is "Tina Turner meets Elvira." Jody wants something more Winona Ryder-ish, so Clarissa hands her a black wide-brimmed hat. I can't tell you how much I love the early-90s.

Clarissa in the bathroom is showing us her "salute to world leaders" ensemble. It includes "authentic" features such as a "Mao collar" (a black jacket with the collar pulled up), "Ghandi trousers" (her dad's blue sweatpants), a "Jackie O. pillbox hat," and a gold brooch "like the ones Barbara Bush would wear at Christmas." Is it wrong that I think her outfit looks kind of cute? Her mother calls her down to dinner without giving her time to change first, so she heads down to the kitchen in her "world leaders" getup. There's a 1991 wall calendar behind Clarissa's seat in the kitchen. Janet is serving soy sorbet for dessert. I think that's supposed to sound weird and health-nut-ish, but there's nothing too bizarre about that. Janet asks about Clarissa's fancy outfit, and Clarissa tries to casually mention that she's thinking about wearing it to school. On Friday. For Picture Day. Janet doesn't take too kindly to this idea. Suck-up Ferguson says that he will be well-groomed and tastefully dressed in his photo. He's such a little brown-noser. I'd hate it if he were my kid.

Janet shows Clarissa her old high school yearbook to show her what a lasting impression school photos can make. A set of twins to Janet look "messy and rumpled," but to Clarissa, they look "sloppy chic." Janet's picture, according to Clarissa, looks "tidy." Clarissa shows us an image of her mother's photo with her own face superimposed on it, which is actually pretty funny, and she does not want to turn out like that. Clarissa is freaked out to find that her father, on the other hand, exists only as a blank space marked "No Photo Available."

Clarissa is back in the bathroom, sitting on the edge of the tub and pulling some striped tube socks over black flower-patterned leggings. Jody enters with some photos from downstairs. Why was Jody rummaging through the family photos rather than Clarissa? That would creep me out if it were one of my brothers' friends going through my family pictures. Jody's wearing Clarissa's big dangling globe earrings that I love (and a black and red houndstooth plaid sweater, black skirt, and bright red tights), but she expresses some hesitation over their Picture Day plan. Clarissa's response is, "Warning, Will Robinson, warning." I love how most other Nick shows of the era seemed to for the most part shy away from pop culture references, but this one just drops them in left and right with no shame. Apparently Jody's mom has told her that she'll have to do a hundred extra Hail Marys at confession if she dresses wildly. Clarissa says that if dressing chic is a sin, then Cher is definitely going to hell (they just said "hell" on Nickelodeon!). They've been searching through all the photos but still can't find Marshall's yearbook picture. Then they come across an old photo of a teenage Marshall with long hippie hair. Jody says that he looks like one of the Nelson twins, like "Gunner without, like, makeup or the spandex." Way cool. Jody laments that Clarissa's dad looks like a rock legend (Nelson? Rock legends? umm, ok) while her dad looks like Homer Simpson.

Janet is downstairs on the phone. It's Clarissa's principal, and there's a rumor going around school that Clarissa is planning to show up naked on Picture Day. They say "naked" way too many times in this scene. Clarissa and Jody come into the kitchen for cookies just as Janet is exclaiming, "Naked?!" into the phone. Clarissa is wearing a different shirt from when they were upstairs in the bathroom. Either that or she was wearing a jacket before and took it off. In any case, her black turtleneck coupled with the black and white wide headband in her hair is really cute. And she's also added jeans rolled up to the knees over her leggings. Her jeans are soooo high-waisted. yay 90s. And umm, the door behind Clarissa just opened by itself a crack and then closed again. It looked like someone was about to enter but didn't. Crew screw up, perhaps? Anyway, Janet is obviously not very happy about the news of Clarissa's plan to show up naked at school, but Clarissa assures her that it's just a rumor, and in fact Ferguson started it. He told someone that Clarissa was going to dress up like the Virgin Mary, which got passed on to someone else as Madonna, with "the underwear on the outside," which led to the naked rumor. Clarissa's mother says, "Why does my daughter have to be the weird one?" and I'm sure my mother identifies with Janet right here. Janet says that this has gone too far, and she won't have her daughter looking like Pee-Wee Herman on Picture Day. Clarissa is intrigued by this Pee-Wee Herman idea. Janet plans to do an inspection of both her and Ferguson's outfits tonight. Jody pretty awesomely says, "Whoa. Did she just upchuck on your ball gown or what?"

Ferguson's inspection goes off without a hitch because he's wearing a boring jacket and bow tie. Clarissa's wearing yet another jacket over her black turtleneck in this scene. She's seriously changed like three times over a span of a few hours. Janet, Clarissa, and Ferguson march into Clarissa's room for her outfit inspection. Clarissa kicks Ferguson out, but he protests until Janet asks him to "be a prince and go shine his shoes." Ferguson mutters that "princes don't shine their shoes--they have slaves" and with that thought heads off to find his dad. Clarissa tries to plead her case to her mother, but all her attempts fall flat. She unveils her intended outfit--overalls, a wildly patterned blouse, an orange jacket, several big necklaces (a peace sign, one that looks sort of like a cross only the top is a loop [*an ankh, thanks molly for helping me remember that!], and one with a big red and yellow ball hanging from a silver bar), and a black hat with gold patterns on the brim and rhinestones and gold patterns on top, worn with the brim to one side. Janet immediately heads to Clarissa's bureau to find some knee socks and a pleated skirt. Clarissa asks her to first play a game she's made on her computer titled "Blaze O Rama." There are a bunch of Clarissa look-alikes at each window of a burning building yelling, "Help, Mom! Help, Mom!" in computery voices. Clarissa points out that her mother can rescue the "real" Clarissa by finding the girl who is dressed differently from everybody else. I always thought Clarissa's computer was the coolest thing ever. Clarissa shows her mother the picture she found of her father with the long hair to illustrate that what looks silly and embarrassing to one person may be cool to someone else. Janet loves that picture of Marshall, whereas Clarissa feels like "if this is good looking, people should stop bugging Sinead O'Connor" (note that the link is of a live version of the song because all the official music videos have the audio disabled for some reason). Ferguson and Marshall enter, and Janet shows Marshall the picture. Marshall recalls that this photo was his yearbook photo, which the school refused to print because his hair was so long. Since he was also a nonconformist in his high school days, Janet relents and allows Clarissa to wear what she wants in her school picture.

The next day after school, Clarissa comes home in her Picture Day outfit obviously angry. Janet thinks that the kids must have made fun of Clarissa's outfit, but Jody pulls out the class photo (the photo was printed in a matter of hours???) to reveal quite possibly the greatest "twist" ending in a Nickelodeon show ever--inspired by Clarissa, the entire class also decided to rebel and dress creatively, and she once again wound up looking just like everybody else in the class photo.

Random Thoughts:

-I never realized how almost everyone in the main cast has a somewhat distinct New York accent. It sticks out so much to me now every time Clarissa says a word like "call" or "all," but I never noticed this as a kid. (I'm not mocking the NY accent by the way.... Boston's is just as distinct when you hear it on TV. And we do weird things like rhyme "bought" and "pot," which I learned in my college English textbook that no one else in the country does.)

-I also never noticed how obvious it was that Elvis, Clarissa's pet alligator in season 1, was never actually on the set. But now it is so blatantly fake looking whenever they cut to the same closeup of him growling whenever Clarissa talks to him.

-This show had a laugh track, which was odd for Nickelodeon shows at the time. Either that or it's the "live studio audience at Nickelodeon Studios" mentioned at the end of every episode.

-Either this dvd's color balance is off or this show was just really bright, because every scene looks over-saturated. It's probably a little bit of both... a really brightly colored set coupled with a cheaply produced dvd.

"If you're a fox, don't try to be a turtle": Hey Dude, 1.06 - Rehearsal for Romance

2008-07-27T13:08:00.025-04:00

Memories:

You better watch out for those man-eating jackrabbits and that killer cacti. Heeeeeeey Duuuuuuuuuude.

This is the first time I had to watch the episode first before writing my "Memories" reaction, since I couldn't remember one thing based on episode title alone. The only thing in this episode that triggered my "ohhhhh yeah!" memory reaction was when Melody was nervous around the guy she liked and accidentally said "I'd love you" instead of "I'd love to."

Recap:

Commenter annakelly gave me the idea that when I recap a show I previously haven't done yet, I should probably do a quick run-down of the major characters. I sometimes forget that if you don't have the episode sitting right there in front of you, it can be hard to remember the details. So here are Hey Dude's main characters, and when I repeat one of the three shows I've already done, I'll do quick character breakdowns for those too:

Mr. Ernst - The bumbling ranch owner

Brad Taylor - The rich-girl horse trainer

Ted McGriff - The troublemaking cute guy

Melody Hanson - The sweet, innocent all-American blonde

Danny Lightfoot - The Native American staffmember (a Hopi according to Wikipedia)

Buddy - Mr. Ernst's son, who at least in the beginning hates being taken out of the city to stay at the ranch

Lucy - The ranch hand who had minor parts in some episodes but is in the opening credits for some reason

People who show up later:

Jake Decker - Mr. Ernst's nephew, a sort of "Ted replacement" when Ted leaves the show if I remember correctly (it was a sad day for all when Ted left)

Kyle Chandler - Another "Ted replacement" sort of character, who according to Wikipedia was also Lucy's ex-boyfriend's son. Can't they just have a new staffmember who isn't somehow related to a preexisting character?

And now onto the recap:

Mr. Ernst shows off his new brilliant idea to the Bar None staff--original Bar None merchandise to sell at the ranch. Items include Bar None spaghetti sauce, pickles, mayonnaise, boot polish, and salad dressing. Best of all though is a new fashion accessory line of Bar None-branded items, including a bow tie, bowler hat, suspenders, and dress socks. Ted comments to Melody that at least they know it can't get any worse. Cue, of course, situation getting worse: Mr. Ernst expects the staff to wear the new items around the ranch.

Opening credits! I love this theme. Yippie-tai-yai-yay, etc.

A very ugly, very 80s-looking couple walks by. The lady has one of those 80s woman fro's that my mother so had back then and big round glasses, and the guy is wearing a polo shirt, cowboy hat, and porn mustache. 1989 was a special time. Melody is working at the front desk, and her eyes catch a boy that I think is supposed to be cute, except that I don't see anything particularly attractive about him. Yet she is so overcome by his mediocrity that she can't speak to him without tripping, stumbling, or clumsily knocking things over, just like that obnoxious Fergie song that I hate. Thank you for getting that stuck in my head, Melody. I can't believe you were my favorite character. Sweet, sensitive piano music plays as Melody meets eyes with the boy and then falls off her desk stool. Mediocre-guy walks over in a fluorescent orange t-shirt that looks like something I would've worn in first grade. He introduces himself as Bill, and Melody stupidly asks if he's there on vacation. He's with his parents and is bored out of his mind because it's his first summer away from college and he'd rather be boozing it up with some hot coeds instead of mingling with that ugly 80s couple in smelly horse stalls. After more awkward conversation, Melody makes a date with Bill to show him the lake later. This is when she gives her awkward, "Sure I'd love you--love to" response that is all I could recall from this episode.

Mr. Ernst is in his office trying on the bowler hat in the mirror and talking to himself. The bowler hat just isn't saying "Bar None" to him. Maybe that's because he should've picked a cowboy hat or something that at least somewhat calls to mind ranch life. He tries on a variety of other hats in the mirror, complete with comments in accents that go with the "personality" of each hat, which is I think supposed to be funny but really is just cringe inducing. He pulls on a ski cap, and I think he's trying to sound Canadian here, but it's really bad. As in "how 'bout that Wayne Gretzky, eh?" bad. Then he tries a sombrero and talks in a Mexican accent that is equally bad, as he tries to say "Beinvenido al Bar None" while trying several times to roll his tongue on the "r." Was Mr. Ernst always this annoying?

Brad enters the girl bunk in full Bar None-branded getup, commenting that the new accessories are a fashion-conscious person's worst nightmare. Melody tells her about how she acted like a stammering dumbass around Mr. Mediocrity and how she has a date with him tonight that she's so nervous about. The way Melody says, "Then he asked me... to show him the lake" with a weird pause in the middle like that makes it sound like she forgot her line for a second but they just kept filming anyway. It was just weird delivery. She's nervous because he's an older guy and she wants to impress him. Brad, instead of telling her to just whore it up, says it's too bad there's not a guy around here she could talk to about these things, and Melody says that Ted is "kind of a guy." Brad thinks asking Ted for advice is a big mistake and that Melody should just be herself, but then we'd have no story. Melody is apparently an idiot and decides to talk to Ted, and hilarity is sure to ensue.

Ted's not wearing his bowler hat, and he says that Mr. Ernst has no authority over him to make him wear it. Except that, he kinda does, 'cause he's the boss and all. I for one though am happy that Ted is not wearing the bowler hat, because the black cowboy hat he's sporting makes him look much cuter. Melody, on the other hand, is of course wearing her bowler hat like the sweet obedient girl she is, along with some really high-waisted 80s shorts and a tucked-in baggy shirt. nice. Ted (who, by the way, is David Lascher, who later appeared with Melissa Joan Hart on Sabrina and was also on an episode of Full House for two seconds) offers to help Melody through the "Ted School of Romance." He just wants to get Melody in a sexy schoolgirl outfit is what I'm thinking. Melody ponders that maybe Brad is right and she should just be herself, but she is too stupid to do so and decides to take Ted's help. Ted says that in order to prepare for her date with Bill, she needs to first go on a "practice date" with Ted where he will teach her how to act on a real date. Why the hell didn't Melody just ask Danny for advice? Wasn't he the sensitive "full of wisdom" type? I seriously don't remember her being this stupid when I was a kid. Mr. Ernst comes over and Ted pulls off his cute cowboy hat to reveal his bowler hat underneath. Conformer! Melody tells Mr. Ernst that she just doesn't think the bowler hat is working for her, so he gives her a new Bar None top hat to wear. And because Melody is a freaking idiot, she wears the top hat around instead of just sticking with the bowler hat. Or growing a pair and telling Mr. Ernst that the hats look ridiculous and are not ranch-related at all.

At the boys' bunk, Danny complains to Ted that the new bowler hats are not only hideous, but also give you a terrible case of hat-head. I am now reminded of that bully from the Pete and Pete shorts. Anyway, so Danny takes off his hat to illustrate the concept of "hat-head" to Ted, but honestly his hair doesn't look much different from usual. A top-hatted Melody with Brad arrives for Melody's fake date, which Danny and Brad are apparently sitting in on. Ted says that rule #1 is that no matter what the guy says, Melody should respond that it is the most interesting thing she's ever heard. Melody doesn't have a brain, so she goes along with this. Brad thinks this is the stupidest thing she's ever heard. Ted says that guys also love it when a girl talks about sports. Melody says that she loves to watch figure skating. Of course she does. Ted says that she'll need to talk about "guy sports" such as football, boxing, or hockey, and basketball and baseball are OK but not quite as impressive. Football I'll give him, but how many boxing enthusiasts do you meet out there? And hockey? The only places where hockey has a chance at being bigger than either baseball or basketball are Canada and some parts of the northern US. But maybe that just feels that way now to me since my baseball and basketball teams just had banner years while my poor hapless Bruins have sucked since about the time this show was on the air. Ted tells Melody to bring up the subject of sports and just agree with whatever the guy says. And to once in awhile throw in a line like, "I caught a puck at a hockey game once!" because it makes her seem like a fan without actually requiring her to know anything. Melody today would so be one of those "pink hat" Red Sox fans that I despise.

The date proceeds outside to the lake, with Brad and Danny still following and laughing. Ted tells Melody to try to "accidentally" brush up against a guy while walking next to him, and he demonstrates this in a really adorable exaggerated way. Melody tries and nearly pushes Ted off the path. Then they find a rock by the lake, and Ted says that on her real date, she should sit down and ask Bill to sit with her, and since the rock is so small they'll have to sit really close together. Danny points out the tackiness of all these date tactics, and of course, because everyone on this show is a stereotype, he is reminded of an old Indian folktale: a fox wants to catch a deer but doesn't know how, and he sees the deer step on a turtle and slip and fall on the turtle's hard shell. The fox has an idea--"I will lay in the ground, and when the deer steps on me it will fall, and I will pounce on it." Because apparently just like small children in Baby-Sitters Club books, characters in old Indian folktales do not use contractions. But when the deer steps on the fox, the fox is badly hurt because he doesn't have a hard shell like the turtle. The moral is, of course, "if you're a fox, don't try to be a turtle." And Oh. My. God. Did Ted just say what I think he said? Yes, yes he did. Ted just said that no, the moral of the story actually is "don't listen to silly fables told by a red man in a bowler hat." wow. That so would not fly on children's TV nowadays. It's so weird how no one thought twice about this back in '89, but now I had to pause and rewind to make sure I heard him correctly. Anyway, back to the episode. Melody decides to try to think of a few ideas of her own, such as skipping rocks on the lake. Ted tells her that she needs to act like a mature woman with this older guy, not be skipping rocks like a little girl. Ted so wants to teach her how to skinnydip in that lake.

hee! On her date, Melody wears white Keds with light-purple socks (a combo I so would've sported in the 80s), a white skirt with bluish-purple flowers on it, and a light-purple sleeveless blouse. The matchy-matchy-ness of the socks with the blouse makes it seem like my mother picked out her outfit and is giving me horrid flashbacks to my youth. And her hair is pulled to one side with a big banana clip, combining the 80s trends of the side ponytail and the banana clip when it's really best that both be forgotten. Bill is wearing jeans that look like they may be acid washed, but it's hard to tell for sure with the quality of this video.

Melody asks if courses in college are a lot harder than in high school, and Bill says that there's more reading and papers, and it's kind of like high school only moreso. Does that even make any sense? It's more like high school than high school itself? Maybe this guy deserves brain-dead Melody as his date. Melody replies that that's the most interesting thing she's ever heard, but Bill says he actually thought it was pretty boring. Melody lamely responds that she meant that it's interesting how boring it is. She tries Ted's accidental-arm-brush trick, but Bill has chosen that exact moment to tie his shoe and she falls right over him. They reach the lake, and Melody asks if Bill would like to sit on that small rock. She awkwardly tries to find a spot next to him, and clueless Bill says, "Did you wanna sit here???" like he was expecting her to sit in the dirt in a white skirt or something. Melody tries to fit next to him and knocks him on the ground, but Bill says it's OK because the ground is softer. Melody can't think of anything to say other than "yeah, ground is great that way." I am reminded of the Friends episode where Chandler awkwardly says "gum would be perfection" while on a date. I didn't even watch Friends that often yet that scene sticks out to me for some reason. Then stupid dumbass Melody says that she "caught a puck at a baseball game once," because, you know, girls are so stupid that they don't even know the most basic things about sports. Bill laughs at her, and Melody apologizes. She picks up a rock and fiddles nervously with it. Bill says it looks like a pretty good skipping stone, and no, it doesn't. It's round and bumpy, you idiot. Melody (cue happy moral of finally learning to be yourself) offers to teach him how to skip rocks but says they'll first need a better stone (see, I told you). Sappy "ranch"-sounding music plays, and Danny voices-over the line about "if you're a fox,don't try to be a turtle." We are left to assume that the date went well and that Bill got himself some action in the hayloft that night.

Flash forward to Bill's last day at the ranch. He's wearing a really hideous neon orange button-down shirt with, like, black splotches all over it. I can't tell you how lucky I feel to have been too young to date in the 80s. Bill and Melody are exchanging addresses and promising to write all the time. I can just see pathetic little Melody writing him ten-page love letters and sending them to Bill's dorm where he has a different girl over every night and uses the letters as beer can coasters. Bill loved the story Melody told him about the fox and the turtle and tells her kind of condescendingly to be sure to send him any more of those if she comes up with them. If only he knew that story came from a "red man in a bowler hat." Mr. Ernst interrupts their goodbye, saying that his Bar None merchandise just wasn't selling, so as of today they will be selling merchandise more appropriate for a Western ranch. But because Mr. Ernst doesn't have any brain cells, he has now decked the staff out in those giant brightly colored foam cowboy hats. Bill jokes to the staff that they look great in their new hats, and we fade to the closing credits.

Random Thoughts:

-Wikipedia tells me that some of the on-location ranch in Tucson, Arizona, where this was filmed, is still standing, although dilapidated. That's kind of cool in a sad way. That also means that this show pre-dated Nickelodeon Studios.

-Every time I typed "Bill and Melody" I'd think of Bill and Melody Korman of the Baby-Sitters Club series.

-I used to love the coyote howl at the very end of the closing credits.

-Since this show's a couple years older than most of the shows I've covered so far, it was weird to see how much less I remembered from it as opposed to the shows I first saw when I was nine or ten instead of seven. I still remembered all the characters, and I remember a few key episodes, but the show as a whole is fuzzier in my mind than Salute Your Shorts and Pete and Pete.

"I can smell your fear": Salute Your Shorts, 1.02 - Zeke the Plumber

2008-07-21T19:46:00.021-04:00

First, I want to note that I added a link in my previous post to explain the "big yellow joint" reference at the end in case it confused people. Second, I just found out today that there is an Are You Afraid of the Dark blog, so Midnight Society fans should check it out. It is cooler than this blog because it contains screenshots. I wish I knew how to do that because it could be fun to include a few here and there. Anyway, on to the recap.

Memories:

This was one of my favorite episodes of this show, so I remember lots of things about it. Harry the Hippo. Telly's "I gotta get outta this ball" nightmare. The creepy Zeke mask. "I can smell your fear." Donkeylips wandering around in a jack-o-lantern mask that he can't see through. Ug hanging upside-down from a tree. This show as a whole was so much cooler than my experience with camp, which was just a Girl Scout day camp I went to for two weeks when I was eight and nine.

Recap:

Sponge is walking through the woods with his video camera, narrating what appears to be an educational video about camp. He comes across Budnick, who is carving "Ug Lee is a loser" into a tree. Ug catches him, but unfortunately has not caught him in act and cannot prove that Budnick did it. Ug knows that all the proof is on Sponge's camera, and he chases after Sponge as Budnick warns him not to give the tape to Ug.

Cue opening credits. I'd comment on the awesomeness of the themesong, but I'm sure everyone still knows it word-for-word to this day.

That night, Budnick is going to tell Ug and the group a ghost story about Zeke the plumber. Donkeylips points out a spider crawling on Budnick, and Budnick freaks out because he hates spiders. How foreshadowing. Zeke used to clean toilets at camp, but the smell didn't bother him because he had his nose bit off by a parrot in the Philippines while in the army. One day, Zeke hits a gas pipe while digging a hole, and he of course can't smell the leaking gas. He lights a match (OK, first off, why was a janitor digging a hole, and secondly, why would he randomly light a match?) and becomes, as Budnick says, "a human party-popper." All they ever found of him (besides his upper lip) was a toilet plunger, which Budnick passes to a skeptical Telly, who thinks it's lame. She passes it to Michael, who agrees. Budnick tells them that Zeke's plunger has a curse on it and that anyone who touches it will be haunted by Zeke at night.

Back at the girls' bunk, Dina is spreading a ring of toothpaste around her bed because a book called "A Girl's Guide to Ghouls" recommends toothpaste to ward off ghosts. ("It's something four out of five doctors recommend.") Telly asks, "Which doctors?" to which Dina responds with lame pun #1: "Exactly. Witchdoctors from from the islands of Lombago." Dina totally has a New York accent when she says the word "haunted." Telly and Z.Z. (who by the way was also DJ's friend Kathy Santoni in this episode of Full House) laugh at her and go to bed, but a minute later they are up spreading toothpaste around their beds too, claiming that they want to ward off ants. Umm, wouldn't that attract ants? They could at least make their lies believable.

Over at the boys' bunk, Michael is having a nightmare. This is the part that really creeped me out as a kid. I was 9 when this episode was first on, and masks have always freaked me out for some reason. So, in Michael's nightmare, Zeke the plumber is in his bunk, wearing a creepy mask with a bloody bandage where the nose should be, plunging a phantom toilet. I never could figure out as a kid whether Zeke was supposed to be wearing a mask or whether that was his real disfigured face, but this time I noticed that Budnick mentions that it is in fact a mask, because his real face was burned in the fire. But then, as one of my friends pointed out, why would he have a nose bandage over the mask? That bandage was freaky. Anyway, for some reason, ghost stories that involve getting visited in your dreams always scared me more. I swear I was more creeped out by Zeke than by any episode ever of Are You Afraid of the Dark. Zeke pulls a ratty, wet animal from the toilet and asks Michael if he knows what it is. It is Harry the Hippo, Michael's stuffed animal he has embarrassingly brought to camp. Michael asks Zeke where he got it, and Zeke says he got it from inside Michael's head, where he keeps all the things he doesn't want anybody to know about. Michael tells Zeke that the kids at camp can't know that he has a stuffed animal and "used to" suck his thumb, but Zeke pulls out a bullhorn and announces, "Attention, everybody! Michael Stein sucks his thumb, and he has a stuffed animal at camp." He points the bullhorn right at Michael and adds, "You baby!" ha. That was pretty awesome, even though I always sympathized with Michael here because I so would've been the kid with my stuffed animal hiding in my sleeping bag. Zeke wants to see what else Michael has inside his head and leans his dirty, wet plunger towards Michael's face, and umm, ewww. That in and of itself is nightmarish enough. Michael wakes up suddenly and finds Harry the Hippo and tosses him into the trash. Now that has always bothered me. I felt so sad when he threw away Harry. And also, logically speaking, Budnick or Donkeylips could very easily see Harry in the trashcan. He was better hidden in Michael's bag.

Dr. Kahn morning announcement: "This is Dr. Kahn. Due to a slight mix-up at the dairy this morning, please discard all milk cartons labeled 'Expiration date: 1983.'" hee. I was a little one-year-old then. In the common room, Michael is exhausted, and Budnick says he heard him whimpering about Zeke and Harry the Hippo last night and how he's a wuss for being afraid of a silly ghost story. I blame this episode for my use of the word "wuss" throughout the early-90s. Telly is also tired and falls asleep at a table while Budnick whispers "Zeke the plumber" into her ear. In her nightmare, Zeke claims to be a custodian who grants wishes. Telly's wish is to play professional ball. (Oh, Telly, don't you know from that Are You Afraid of the Dark episode that you're supposed to be 100% specific in your wishes or something will go horribly wrong?) Zeke, of course, twists her wish around and sends her to a (dance) ball, complete with a frilly white dress. The ball is empty except for Telly and Zeke, and Telly says balls are for sissy little girls. Zeke quite awesomely replies, "But you are a sissy little girl, aren't you?" Telly tries to escape and finds that the doors are locked and she is stuck there for the rest of her life. As Zeke dances with his plunger in mechanical movements that are really creepy, Telly repeats, "I gotta get outta this ball..." over and over until Michael wakes her up.

Michael and Telly compare nightmares and realize that Zeke seems to know what they're most afraid of. That is some crazy 1984 shit going on there. Back at the boys' bunk, Sponge tells them that because Budnick created such a strong mental image in his story, they both ended up with the same guy in their dreams. They want to get Budnick back for all this, but he walks in at this point and teases them for being scared little babies. Budnick was always such an ass. Michael challenges Budnick to spend one night out in the clearing where Zeke died. They bet that if Budnick chickens out, he has to stand up in front of the whole camp and admit what a big wuss he actually is; if Budnick wins, Telly will wear a dress for a day and Michael will carry around Harry the Hippo (that part of the bet always made me happy because it meant that Harry would be rescued from the trash). Telly gets off kind of easy, doesn't she? Yeah, she hates wearing dresses, but big deal. It's nowhere near as humiliating as walking around with a stuffed animal if you're a teenage boy.

Everyone is gathered at the spot in the woods where Zeke supposedly died, and Donkeylips brings Budnick some food he'd asked for. Budnick flips out that the potato chips aren't ruffled, so Donkeylips pretty much tells Budnick to fuck off, saying he had been planning to stay out there all night with him but has changed his mind. Budnick calls him a "ten-ton traitor tuna." Everyone leaves Budnick alone in the clearing, and they head back to the bunks to plot how to scare him. Ug wants in, and even Donkeylips swears that he wants to get Budnick just as much as everyone else ("cross my heart, hope to die, stick a pizza in my mouth"). Ug has his own special plan in mind, and Michael and Sponge plan to use one scare tactic and have the girls use another. They give Donkeylips a big jack-o-lantern mask to wear so that he can run at Budnick screaming. These sound like pretty lame scare tactics so far. Donkeylips can't see a thing through the mask, and as they all leave the bunk, he wanders behind blindly bumping into walls. And this is what I never understood--why couldn't he just take the damn mask off until it was time to scare Budnick? It's not like it was stuck on his head or anything. That annoyed me so much as a kid.

Meanwhile, Budnick is using his food and soda cans to make alarms and traps. I do agree that ruffled chips would have much better sound quality for an alarm. The other kids try to sneak over to where Budnick is staying, but he hears them crunching on the potato chips he's sprinkled around. The girls run out of the bushes screaming, and that's supposed to be scary? Startling for a second, maybe, if he hadn't already heard them coming, but not scary. Fail. Budnick ends up having the last laugh because he stuck his head inside his shirt and put a melon where his head should be. The girls try to shake him awake, and they scream as the melon falls to the ground, of course prompting lame pun #2: "I always knew he was a melon-head." Budnick apparently took the time to draw a smiley face on the melon. Telly calls out that Budnick should learn that he can't scare them with a stupid little trick, but oh wait, I think that's what he just did. Sorry, Telly. Budnick jumps out of the chair as the girls run away screaming. He raises his arms triumphantly and proclaims that he is the master of the universe. No, Budnick, that would be these guys. Then Michael and Sponge with some weird sort of sheet-on-broomsticks "ghost" contraption run out of the other side of the bushes, also screaming. Now, I give them points for the sheet, because that can be a little creepy in the dark, but the screaming? How is that scary? He knows their voices. The "ghost" itself without the screaming would've been far more effective. The boys trigger the shaken-soda-cans alarm and end up with soda all over them.

Budnick calls everyone out of the woods and celebrates that he has won the bet. They hear a noise in the woods, and Michael tells Budnick that since he's so brave he should go check it out. Budnick does, continuing to mock them. He turns around and is face to face with Ug dressed as Zeke. Budnick tries to play it cool, providing us with lame pun #3: when Ug/Zeke demands Budnick's head, Budnick replies, "Sorry man, I'm kinda attached to it" and then unnecessarily adds, "in more ways than one." Budnick runs away from Ug/Zeke and toward one of his traps. Ug/Zeke catches up to him and makes the mistake of saying, "I can smell your fear," which clues Budnick in on the fact that this Zeke is a fake, because the real Zeke of course does not have a nose. When I was little I'd get annoyed here because I took "I can smell your fear" to be an expression that you shouldn't take literally. But I guess it could be argued that someone without a sense of smell wouldn't think to use an expression that involved use of the word "smell." Budnick triggers his hanging-tree trap, and Ug/Zeke is thrown upside-down, hanging from the tree by a loop around his ankle. Budnick goes all Scooby-Doo on us with his "now let's see who you really are" and is shocked to see that it is Ug. Ug is pissed that he's hanging upside-down from a tree, and Budnick heads off to get a knife to cut him down.

As he heads back celebrating, this really creepy music that sounds like a broken jack-in-the-box starts to play as Budnick finds himself walking straight into a path of spiderwebs. Spiders, as you will remember, freak him out more than anything, and he panics. Seriously, the music here is disturbing. Budnick calls for help, offering things like his stereo and tapes (woo cassettes!) to anyone who'll help him, and the other kids hear him but laugh and wait for him to start giving away the really good stuff like the portable TV. Budnick offers to be their slave forever, and the kids come out to "rescue" him. Budnick tries to weasel out of the bet, but Telly is not having any of that. The kids all shove their stuff they'd been carrying into Budnick's arms and tell him to enjoy carrying it back to camp.

The next morning, Ug is still hanging upside-down from the tree (that can't be safe or good at all), and in the light he notices the "Ug Lee is a loser" carving in the tree he is hanging from. ha. He hears footsteps and thinks that it must be Budnick finally returning with the knife, but it is only Donkeylips, still wandering around blindly with the jack-o-lantern mask on. Ug screams in frustration as we head to the closing credits.

Random Thoughts:

-Did Sponge's video camera thing last more than the first few episodes?

-I so didn't realize till college that the actress who plays Telly is named Venus DeMilo. When I was thinking back on the show I thought I must have been making that up until I confirmed it online.

-Old laptop!!! Sponge's early-90s laptop is gigantic. And why the hell does he have it at camp? You couldn't do much more on them than type back then, right? What use would it be at camp, even to a nerd like Sponge?

-During the closing credits, my copy has a voice-over ad for Marc Summers' Mystery Magical Special, airing as part of Nick-or-Treat!!! (Tagline: "Marc Summers unexplains it all," which really doesn't make a whole lot of sense.) But remember Nick-or-Treat? Where they'd call you on Halloween and you had to answer the phone with "Nick-or-treat" and you could win a prize? I assume you had to send in a postcard with your contact info to enter (the good old days of "send in a postcard for your chance to win..."). I never entered because I was scared they'd actually call, and in those pre-caller ID days I was not about to embarrass myself by answering the phone with "Nick-or-treat" only to have it be one of my brothers' friends. I used to wonder whether you could at least say "hello" first or if that would disqualify you. And remember that Marc Summers special? It was on every year for a long time. I wonder if it's floating around online somewhere. It would make a fun Halloween recap.

"Passengers will refrain from killing my soul!": The Adventures of Pete and Pete, 2.12 - Yellow Fever

2008-07-12T17:35:00.013-04:00

Memories:

My memory of this episode is pretty fresh because I've watched it as an adult on dvd already. But I remember that when I was 12 and watching it for the first time, what stuck out to me was the "If You're Happy and You Know It" scene. And Ellen sitting next to someone else and getting Pete angry.

Recap:

This episode will be hard for me to snark too heavily on since I love it so much. As Big Pete narrates that the real education on a field trip occurs on the bus ride there, we see a spinning bus wheel superimposed over a roadmap, and hey! That's a map of my home state of Massachusetts! I see Fitchburg and Leominster and Worcester (where I went to college). Anyway, according to Pete, long trips cause people to change--friends to become enemies, enemies to become friends, and a field trip to become a trip into the darkest recesses of your soul. See, this is why I loved this show. I loved how it could put a bizarre twist on mundane events that every kid could identify with.

A really fake-looking CGI moth flies by the schoolbus. A teacher is giving the kids the rules before their field trip to the Glurt County Milk Museum. (This show really loved its weird-sounding made-up words.) The most important rule is that no one is to sing "If You're Happy and You Know It," as it is disturbing to busdriver Stu Benedict. Busdriver Stu is awesome. Also insane. We see a flashback to his relationship with fellow busdriver Sally Knorp (Ellen Cleghorne) and how "If You're Happy and You Know It" was their special song. One day though, this exchange occurred:

Stu: If you're happy and you know it clap your hands. [Silence.] ...Sally, you didn't clap your hands.

Sally: I'm not happy, Stu.

Soooo awesome. So, they break up, and no one knows what will happen if Stu hears that song again.

Someone has sent Ellen a love note and promised to reveal his identity by sitting next to her on the bus. This bothers Pete even though he and Ellen are just friends. Pete wonders who the secret admirer might be: one of his best friends Bill or Teddy (I saw Teddy in a bit part on an episode of Scrubs a few years ago and was like "It's Pete's friend!!!!!!"), shy-kid Wendell Hyde, arch-nemesis Endless Mike (greatest bully name ever), or even Mark Twib, a nerd with big flickable ears who has been constantly "twibbed" since second grade.

Even though he thinks he won't do anything to stand in the admirer's way, Pete sits next to Ellen anyway. Ellen is pissed off. Stu welcomes everyone aboard the Yellow Fever, which will take them away from "the twisted wreckage of his shattered life." I love Stu. With that, the field trip begins.

Pete narrates that on bus rides, kids reveal parts of their personalities that no one was meant to see. Wendell Hyde reveals his secret ambition to become a wedding/bar mitzah singer. The kid has a pretty good Richard Cheese-esque lounge-singer voice. Just being on a bus makes Della Summ constantly have to go to the bathroom. Teddy is famous for eating his entire lunch five minutes into a bus trip and has devised a plan of taking small bites at timed intervals throughout the ride so that he'll still have half left at the end for lunch. Bill turns into a prankster, making a sign that says "HELP! Being Kidnapped! Call Police!" and sticking it to the bus window. Pete says his own mutation, however, is the weirdest. He's still in the seat Ellen needed, mocking her "loverboy," and Ellen accuses him of being jealous.

Bill's kidnapping prank works, as a cop notices the sign and pulls the bus over. Pete gives Bill a high-five, but Ellen isn't amused because she has no sense of fun. She's disgusted by Pete's immaturity and tells him he might as well go flick Mark Twib. Meanwhile, the cops put Stu through a series of coordination tests, including hitting a tennis ball into a stack of donuts. He is also made to be the bottom half of a wheelbarrow-race pair with one of the cops.

Stu hears Pete arguing with Ellen and orders him to the back of the bus, leaving Ellen the seat she wanted and Pete next to Endless Mike. Bill moves up to sit next to Ellen. Pete can't believe that Bill was the secret admirer, and Endless Mike delightedly rubs this in his face.

Stu realizes he's lost and panics. He stops by a field with a scarecrow and asks through the loudspeaker if the scarecrow knows how to get to I-87. When he gets no answer, he stumbles out of the bus saying, "Excuse me, Farmer Extremely Unhelpful... oh. You're straw." Ellen is growing sick of Bill's immaturity (really, Ellen, they're 15-year-old boys. What do you expect?) and says she doesn't think this is going to work. Bill has no clue what she's talking about, and Ellen realizes he didn't write the note after all. However, she decides to make Pete jealous and puts her arm around Bill. How non-immature of you, Ellen. During all this, we see Stu through the bus window beating and stabbing the scarecrow with a pitchfork. Endless Mike convinces Pete to get revenge on Bill. He gives Pete warmed, mentholated shaving cream (that he just happens to have with him on a field trip?) to squeeze into Bill's hand when he's not looking, which when applied to a popped zit will sting like crazy.

Pete's shaving cream prank is successful. High-and-mighty Ellen is of course disgusted, and Endless Mike welcomes Pete into his club. They celebrate by pouring bottles of Krebben Up down the bus aisle (ahh, yes, this show's love of the term "Kreb"). The rushing liquid makes Della have to go again, and the bus pulls over as all the kids empty out. Della can't go with anyone thinking about her, and Stu sees a poor random kid and says, "You! You're thinking about her! You disgust me." This is why Stu is so awesome.

Ha! I'd forgotten about this moment: just before they get back on the bus, Teddy is burying his empty lunchbag and failed lunch-eating flowchart saying "I hate myself!" This episode has way too many unbelievably great moments in it.

Endless Mike deviously tells Pete that he must also get revenge on Ellen, by flicking Mark Twib to piss her off. Pete does so, and Ellen is not happy. Pete's twib has set Mark over the edge. Back on the bus, he launches into "If You're Happy and You Know It." Stu gets this creepy smile across his face and begins to sing along. The whole bus joins in as Stu gets up and dances in the aisle. The kids start to notice that no one is driving the bus and that they're about to crash, but Stu is completely possessed and keeps singing. The cheap CGI moth flies by the bus. Wendell snaps Stu out of it with some wedding/bar mitzvah standards, and Stu hits the break just in time to stop the bus from going over a cliff.

When they finally reach the Milk Museum, the teacher says that whoever sang the forbidden song will receive an F for the project and four weeks detention. Pete feels bad for driving Mark to do it and takes the blame. Endless Mike kicks him out of his gang, but Mark is grateful. Pete apologizes for flicking his ear, and Mark confesses to writing the note to Ellen. He decides to let Pete and Ellen figure out their relationship on their own. Ellen, meanwhile, is impressed that Pete took the blame for Mark. They apologize and make up. As the crappy CGI moth flies by once more, they agree to sit next to each other on the way home.

Random Thoughts:

-Best. Themesong. Ever.

-My college roommate grew up in the same neighborhood as the house in the opening theme. She was almost an extra in one episode. My freshman-year roommate went to high school with Ellen, who was three years older than us.

-yay mid-90s fashions! I am especially fond of Pete's blue plaid flannel shirt and Ellen's floppy hat.

-Little Pete is not in this episode.

-Obviously, the blog title refers to the Snick trademark big orange couch. But now whenever I go to my blog and see "Big Orange Couch" my mind automatically thinks "Big Yellow Joint."

"Kaloo-cuckoo!": Doug, 1.01 - Doug Bags a Neematoad

2008-07-09T21:06:00.001-04:00

For my first real post, I thought I'd start with Nickelodeon's first original Nicktoon.

Memories:
This episode is labeled episode 1, which makes sense because it is the episode where Doug moves to Bluffington. It is listed as airing on August 11, 1991 (the day the Nicktoons premiered) on imdb, tv.com, and Wikipedia. However, I watched Nickelodeon that day. I'd been anticipating the launch of the first three Nicktoons for weeks, possibly months, and I was on vacation at my uncle's lake house in New Hampshire with my family that August. I was at the pool and missed Doug and most of Rugrats, but I caught the premiere of Ren and Stimpy and watched both Doug and Rugrats later that night when Nickelodeon rebroadcast all three episodes. The episode I saw on August 11 was not "Doug Bags a Neematoad," but was episode 2, "Doug Can't Dance/Doug Gets Busted." The Rugrats and Ren and Stimpy episodes were both the same ones that had aired that morning, so you'd think Doug was the same episode too. I have no way of proving that I'm right and the first-aired episode was "Doug Can't Dance," but I remember it so clearly. I was confused when months later I finally saw "Doug Bags a Neematoad" and wondered why he was just moving then.

I remember the ads leading up to the Doug premiere: The one where they (I think) showed a pencil drawing Doug, where Doug voiced-over talking about himself, how he was 11 1/2 and how his favorite food was banana pudding. I remember the Nickelodeon bumper ad where Doug was carrying one end of a long orange "Nickelodeon" bar, and Porkchop was sitting on the other end of it rather than holding up his side. Porkchop waves, Doug drops his side and it falls on his foot, he says "ow!" in a weird non-Doug-like voice, and Porkchop slides down the bar to Doug and licks his face. From the actual episode, I remember Skeeter "translating" Doug's Honker Burger order into Bluffington slang ("no stinkers" equaled "no onions") because the lady at the counter can't understand him. And I remember the "kaloo-cuckoo!" "Neematoad mating call" that I have no clue how to spell.

Recap:
Doug's family is in the car, moving from Bloatsburg to Bluffington. As the car drives past the "Welcome to Bluffington" sign, the population clicks over to include the Funnies and reads "20,001." Doug ponders that he "1" must be him. They arrive at their new house, where Doug worries about fitting in while Judy notices a cow in the front yard. Was Bluffington originally supposed to be a rural hicktown and Bloatsburg the "big city" or something? I don't remember it ever being particularly rural ever again.

Doug's parents send him off in search of some fast food, and new-neighbor Mr. Dink offers to help him by showing him a "Welcome to Bluffington" video even though Doug insists that he has no time. The Honker Burger is mentioned in the video, and so Mr. Dink gives Doug directions and sends him off. On the way, Doug worries again about fitting in and fantasizes that the Mayor tells the townspeople that Doug has chosen the path of the Loser and orders them to "honk this loser out of town." A crowd of heads and hands holding bike horns honk angrily at Doug and laugh at him, until he snaps out of his fantasy to realize he is holding up traffic, which is honking at him in real life.

Doug enters the Honker Burger to blank stares and mumbles of "new kid...." He orders his family's burgers, and the cashier claims she can't understand him. We then meet Skeeter Valentine, who jumps to the rescue and translates the order into Bluffington slang: "New kid wants three moo-cows [cheeseburgers], one no cukes [pickles], one no stinkers [onions], one wet one [fish sandwich], four [something that translates to "large fries" that I can't hear clearly, and then something that sounds like "and four from the vine" that we don't get to see a translation for]." Doug asks how to order a salad from the salad bar, to which Skeeter replies by adding to the order "and one salad from the salad bar!"

Skeeter introduces Doug to a random group of kids we never see again, and they laugh at the fact that he's never had beets before. Doug goes to pick up his order and sees Patti for the first time riding her bike outside. He slips on a ketchup packet, and the ketchup lands right on Roger Klotz's new suede shoes (his shoes were suede? I always figured they were leather boots or something). Roger offers to "help" Doug by letting him be the first guy to bag a neematoad, and tells him threateningly to be at Stintson's pond at 7:00 tomorrow morning. Doug fantasizes about being the most popular kid in Bluffington and impressing Patti after returning with a neematoad.

The next morning at Stintson's pond, Roger and his friends tell Doug that the way to capture a neematoad is to shout the neematoad mating call "kaloo-cuckoo!" over and over until a neematoad appears. Doug for some reason actually does this. I know I would've been terrified of Roger too, but even I wouldn't have gone that far. Doug's comment: "Man, the things a guy has to go through to keep from being a loser." Oh poor, clueless Doug. After awhile Doug notices Roger and his friends laughing at him from behind the bushes. He feels humiliated and fantasizes about returning to the Honker Burger with a bag over his head as Patti walks by and Doug pathetically says (still with bag over his head) "Yoo-hoo? Cute girl? Hey.. excuse me... it's me, Doug" and trips into a puddle. He is so adorable. He snaps back to reality and goes over to Roger to say "ok I get it; joke's over," but then Porkchop, covered in mud and sticks, emerges from the bushes. Roger and his gang of course mistake him for a neematoad, and Doug "bags" him, making Roger look like a loser. Roger vows to catch his own, larger neematoad.

Doug celebrates at the Honker Burger with new-friend Skeeter, who also thinks that Porkchop is a real neematoad despite Doug plainly spelling out several times that it is just his dog. This is the same Skeeter who is later revealed to be a genius in one episode? Patti is eating a Honker Burger at a nearby table (what 11-year-old goes to a burger joint by herself?), and Skeeter offers to introduce them. Doug once again clumsily slips on a ketchup packet and slides right under Patti's table. He panics that he "thinks he just squirted ketchup on a girl," but it conveniently landed right on her burger. Patti tells Doug he has wonderful aim.

That night, Doug reflects in his journal that Bluffington is already starting to feel like home. He hopes that Skeeter will become his "best human friend" (so as not to offend Porkchop), thinks Mr. Dink is nice but a little crazy, and thinks he may be secretly in love with Patti. He wonders what happened with Roger, and we flash back to Stintson's pond, where Roger is shouting the neematoad mating call all night in an attempt to show up Doug and capture one of his own.

Random Thoughts:
-Wow, I forgot how much I love the music in this show.
-Title screen: Doug gets his foot caught in the paint can and walks with it stuck to his foot over to shut off the lightswitch.
-The animation is a little choppy in this episode, kind of like watching early episodes of The Simpsons, only not as severe.
-Mrs. Funnie's voice sounds different in this episode, but maybe I just don't remember her very well. I have always hated her line about being "One hungry Funnie family."
-Tippy Dink. ha.
-I keep typing "Dough" instead of "Doug."
-Whoa. I just checked out imdb, and Danny Cooksey, aka Budnick from Salute Your Shorts, was the voice of Roger??? How did I never know this until now??? (He was also apparently Montana Max on Tiny Toons.)

So, there we go. Recap number 1. I promise the memories won't be as insanely long from now on. The whole thing about episode 2 airing first is just bothering me. :)

Welcome!

2008-07-09T20:35:00.000-04:00

Welcome to my Classic Nick memories blog. After being inspired by Tiff of BSC Headquarters, MilkMan of the Full House blog You Miss Your Old Familiar Friends, and most recently by Kristen at BSC Revisited (plus the many other fun nostalgia blogs that I know are out there but that I haven't been able to browse yet), I finally decided to break down and start my own blog. I'll be going through my growing collection of old Nickelodeon shows and reliving my 80s and early-90s childhood. I like BSC Revisited's concept of having a brief "memory reaction" before the recap reaction, so if you see this, Kristen, please know I am using your idea because I think it's a great idea and not as a way to "copy" you. :) I'll try to update once a week. We'll see how it goes.